15 Things You Probably Won’t Go Do

4 Wednesday

Stiff Little Fingers, Throw Rag, The God Awfuls
Berbati’s Pan
8 p.m.
21 + over, $13.50
Well, I suppose that if you were once punk as fuck you areprobably still punk as fuck. It’s just so hard to tell through thewrinkles. How old are the Stiff Little Fingers anyhow

J*NK Film Festival
8 p.m.
All ages, $6
An evening of queer, underground cinema curated by Devon Divine.Expect to see music videos from Le Tigre, Gravy Train!!!, andScream Club… documentaries on Queers in hip-hop and gay andlesbian organizing in Brazil… plushie loving, animated crayons,trans youth, drag horror films and the Olympia produced cultphenomena: Malaqueerche.

DAY 1 of TROPIX featuring Gang Way!, Mustaphamond, The Khans,The Kill Me, Pillow Fight
Grand Central Bowl 
9 p.m. 
All ages, $5
I have a hard time taking bowling alley shows too seriously.There is something about seeing rock relegated to the pins andlanes that makes it feel immediately like a novelty. If anyonecould pull off a standup line up on the alley TROPIX can. Maybethis is the beginning of a new age of bowling alley rock. Thenagain, maybe it’s not.

5 Thursday

Burning Brides, The Explosion, The Catheters
Ash Street Saloon
8:30 p.m.
21 + over, $5
Sometimes I miss rocking. The sweat, the smell, the cheap beerand testosterone. It just feels good to get out and feel alivesometimes. What better time than now? What better band than theBurning Brides? What better price than 5 bucks? I’ll meet you thereand we’ll let the Brides’ churning inferno make us feel youngagain. Well, youngish.

Binary Dolls, Minmae, Joshua James
White Eagle Saloon
8:30 p.m.
21 + over, $4
Quirky trumpets, quirky samples, quirky lyrics with a quirkydelivery, but goodly so. The Binary Dolls make me happy. Not quirkyhappy, just happy. Be happy with me. I’ve got a lot of love to goaround. 

Day 2 of TROPIX featuring: Glass Candy, Mae Shi, Stay GoldPony Boy, Veronica Lipgloss, Channels 2&3, The Chromatics 
10 p.m.
I know you love indie rock. It’s written all over your vintageLevis jacket in the form of dozens of little buttons. You don’tneed me to tell you to go to this show because you are alreadythere. Me, I’m lying on the couch, napping. 

6 Friday

Cosmic Rough Riders w/ Silver Surfer
Aladdin Theater
7 p.m.
All ages
Silver Surfer plays Beach Boys-esque pop tinged with BeachBoys-esque harmonies resulting in original and refreshing BeachBoys-esque sound. Cosmic Rough Riders are one of those UK bandsthat have achieved some phenomenal success in Europe but are fairlyunknown here in the United States. That could be because we ascitizens of the United States of rock ‘n’ roll don’t need to panderto the fickle and pretentious tastes of our peers across the pond.It could be that we’ve moved on past all the Oasis knockoff bandsand have our own vibrant community of original artists doin’ itright at home. It could be rock was born here and rock liveshere.  I’m not saying this absolutely, I’m just sayingmaybe.

Day 3 of TROPIX featuring: Gang Wizard, Child Pornography,Hawnay Troof, War
9 p.m.
21+, $5
At last TROPIX goes glamour. I’m talking about the combo ofsoutheast’s beautiful venue Holocene and Ecstatic Peace’s beautifulpurveyors of noisy rock Gang Wizard. Hug them before the show,because it’ll be tough once you have blood coming out of yourears.

Soulfly, Ill Nino, Crisis, DFive9
Crystal Ballroom
All ages, $20

Elefant, Ambulance Ltd., The High Violets
9:30 p.m.
21 + over, $8
A little bit Strokes and a little bit, well, Strokes. Onlythey’re called Elefant. The High Violets are quite nice, however,and Dante’s sells pint bottles of the deliciously crisp Iron CityLager. Look, I’m trying to be enthusiastic. Get out of my cubicle.OUT!

The Decemberists, The Planet The, Tom Heinl,Blackbird Red
8 p.m.
All ages, $13 
When Neutral Milk Hotel broke up I didn’t know what I was goingto do. I was in a haze, lost, alone and depressed. Thank God forthe Decemberists. They were there when I needed them most.Beautiful hooks and instrumentation and Colin’s lyrics. It saved mylife. Now they’re helping SMYRC by headlining this night of localpop brilliance.  

7 Saturday

Destruction and Debauchery Tour 2004: The Virus, Clit 45,Complete Control, Autistic Youth
Paris Theatre
7 p.m.
All ages, $10
Punk’s not dead. Neither is my Uncle Fergus, but you don’t seeme wasting my Saturday nights sitting through his outdated rants,do you? No, you don’t.

8 Sunday

Collins Nude Beach
Sauvie Island
Drop trousers and see article this issue. C’mon, it’s howGod made us.

9 Monday

Blitzen Trapper benefit for Flight64 
8 p.m. 
Oh, Blitzen Trapper. Your perfect pop melodies and hooks arewell, perfect. Perfectly placed power for a perfect passing pang ofpanting pain. Party pal.  

10 Tuesday

The Bastard Sons Of Johnny Cash, The Goddamn Gentlemen, I CanLick Any Sonofabitch In The House
21 + over, $8
Well, I can lick any popsicle in the house and you don’t hear mebragging. Rockabilly, the most retro genre of music that NEVERFUCKING EXISTED!