It’s a well-documented fact that New Year’s Eve is the greatest of all American holidays. Not only does it provide an excellent excuse for me to validate my alcoholism, but it also encourages such time honored activities as dressing “pretty,” making out with interesting people and dancing like an asshole. Luckily for us, Portland provides ample opportunity to do all these things as we bid farewell to the past year in various degrees of style and/or inebriation. Below is a short list of the best places in which to welcome 2008 while rubbing elbows with the most swank and happening denizens of this Land of Ports.
Wu-Tang Clan, Cool Nutz, Sandpeople, Lilla D’Mone
I’m interested in going to this show not so much to see the Wu-Tang Clan but rather to find out how exactly we slipped into some wacky-ass alternate universe in which the Wu-Tang Clan plays New Year’s Eve shows in Portland. I mean, seriously? Some of the greatest living legends in hip-hop playing a New Year’s show in Portland-fawking-Oregon? Expect some freaky shit no matter how this one plays out.
Quote of the night: “Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nuttin’ to fuck wit’ ” (repeated multiple times in a rhythmic fashion).
Roseland Theater
8 N.W. Sixth Ave.
9 p.m. (doors open at 8 p.m.)
$40
All ages
Pink Martini
Portland’s premier world music orchestra plays a show, which will hopefully see the ample consumption of their namesake. Not recommended for rowdier characters…
Quote of the night: “I can’t wait to sit and listen politely for the duration of the evening!”
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall
1037 S.W. Broadway
$40
10:30 p.m. (doors open at 9:30 p.m.)
All ages
New Year’s Eve with Prince and Michael Jackson
Berbati’s spins the hottest cuts from two of the greatest human beings ever to have graced the surface of this earth. The potential for booty-shaking is staggering.
Quote of the night: “I was disappointed to find that neither Prince nor Michael Jackson were in attendance.”
Berbati’s Pan
10 S.W. Third Ave. (corner of Third Avenue and Ankeny Street)
$10 advance, $12 day of show
8 p.m. to close
21+
El Debarge & Lakeside
’80s kitsch seems to be a hot theme for parties this year as the Crystal Ballroom pulls in yesteryear-hit machine El Debarge to croon such chart-toppers as “All This Love” and “I Like It.” LA funk outfit Lakeside helps up the danceability factor.
Quote of the night: “This song and I are approximately the same age; maybe that’s why we get along so well.”
Crystal Ballroom
1332 W. Burnside St.
9 p.m.
Tickets are $45
21+
Jerry Joseph
Jerry Joseph, whether by himself or with the oft-lauded Jackmormons, can be relied on to consistently deliver unpretentious groove-based rock that becomes only more danceable as the night progresses.
Quote of the night: “Wait, aren’t you that guy from the Jackmormons?”
Mt. Tabor Legacy
4811 S.E. Hawthorne Blvd.
9 p.m.
Cheap
21+
Fir Ball 2008 with Cracker & Camper Van Beethoven
This might just be the official indie-rock New Year’s party of Portland for 2007–08. Camper Van Beethoven has been plodding along since the mid-’80s, bringing their lovable folk-punk hybrid to two generations of independent music fans, while Cracker looks to provide a mix of slow and funky jams perfect for melting the icy hearts of the tight-pants crowd.
Quote of the night: “Yeah…but their old stuff was better.”
The Doug Fir
830 E. Burnside St.
9 p.m. (doors at 8 p.m.)
Tickets are $40
21+
Throwback Suburbia & Black Mercies
Throwback Suburbia provides a straight-up shot of melodrama, which most Ash Street denizens would probably classify as “emo.” The Black Mercies take similar tack but make it far more interesting by virtue of their odd rhythms and bubblegum synths.
Quote of the night: “Do you think they’ll notice that this is my brother’s ID?”
Ash Street Saloon
225 S.W. Ash St.
9:30 p.m.
$8
21+
Shanghai Nights featuring: The Everyone Orchestra, Strings 4 Industry, Freak Mt. Ramblers, Stephanie Schneiderman, Darol Anger, Tony Furtado, Scott Law, Tye North, plus surprise guests!
Holy poop! Apparently the Wonder Ballroom just called everyone in their rolodex and booked anybody who bothered to answer the phone. Despite the high price tag on this one, the wealth of excellent music and potential for very cool “Shanghai Nights”–themed decorum may just be worth the financial hit.
Quote of the night: “Holy fawking crap that’s a lot of bands.”
The Wonder Ballroom
128 N.E. Russell St.
8 p.m. (Doors at 7 p.m.)
$35 (+ service charge)
21+
The Obituaries & The Shiny Things
This is a New Year’s party for those of you who would much rather “mosh” than “dance” per se. The smoky bowels of the Tonic Lounge and the distorted ruckus of their headliners are sure to provide an excellent venue for all your drinkin’ and fightin’ needs.
Quote of the night: “Oi!”
Tonic Lounge
3100 N.E. Sandy Blvd.
9 p.m.
Cheap
21+