800-pound guerrilla

Progressive Slate candidates Courtney Morse and Jesse Bufton won student government’s top posts, president and vice president, in the annual elections Friday. Although Morse and Bufton won by just 17 votes, Progressives also won six spots on the Student Fee Committee, including the chair position and a majority of senator seats. Morse and Bufton received 761 votes, meaning they were elected by a whopping 3 percent of Portland State’s 25,000 students.

What this means for you: Probably nothing.


On-campus resident students felt a pain in the pocketbook last week, when PSU Auxiliary Services announced that they plan to slash the Residence Life program budget by nearly 30 percent and hike on-campus rent by 9 percent. Over 80 disgruntled students ambushed Auxiliary Services Director Julie North and Assistant Director John Eckman at two meetings to express their discontent. But with today being the deadline for submitting the rent increase to the state, it looks like the proposal is going through.

What this means for you: With the reduced number of resident assistants, it will be easier to throw an underage kegger than ever. Too bad no one will be able to afford a keg.


Student groups with a craving for Cha Cha Cha, Hot Lips Pizza or food made by any other locally-owned business will be going hungry beginning spring term. Sodexho, the union-busting food schlepper at PSU, will have exclusive dibs on catering events at the university when classes resume in April. University officials cite “public safety” concerns as the reason for the move. However, student-run cafe Food For Thought is exempted from the deal.

What this means for you: Why not have a Pepsi to wash down your Sodexho food? And you can buy it all with your Higher One card!


Week in weird

A study commissioned by Pfizer, the brilliant drug company behind the oft-touted erection drug Viagra, revealed this week that Canadians between the ages of 40 and 64 would rather watch TV than have sex. The study showed the ratio of sex to TV for the responding Canadians is 15 minutes to four hours. However, roughly half of the Canadians said that when the sex came along it was good good lovin’. Researchers have yet to discover if the enormous difference in time spent snogging to time spent chillin’ in front of the boob tube had anything to do with the quality of sex or the quality of Canadian television programming. A small portion of the respondents claimed they combined the two activities, while others reported they were fed up with all the sex on the television.

What this means for you: Again. Probably nothing.