Portland State’s enrollment crossed the 25,000-student mark this year, the highest enrollment level in the university’s history. But the Oregon University System would still like to pretend that about 3,000 of those students are just make-believe. See, OUS still funds PSU based on 2002 enrollment figures, at which time the university had a measly 22,000 students on its rolls. Thanks to OUS’s inability to let go of the past, PSU receives a mere 22 percent of general fund money – despite having 31 percent of the system’s students.
What this means for you: Think the MAX is crowded during Rose Festival week? Just wait until you see your writing class next year.
It took a year and a half and $120,000 for Sockeye Creative to create a new logo for PSU, which looks like a cattle brand for the Portland “lazy S” University and Dude Ranch. One can only hope that when President Bernstine sought to find a “brand” identity for the university, he didn’t mean it literally. It should be noted that the design is not finalized. Still, the final version should be burned onto the tender flesh of official university stationery sometime in the near future. The logo is just one step in the process of finding a new identity for PSU. Or, as Vice President of University Relations Cassie McVeety has said, “It’s not just about the logo, but about how to tell what PSU is.” Which, according to the new logo, is “lazy.”
What this means for you: It’s unlikely that the administration actually wants to brand its students. But just in case, you might want a piece of rawhide to bite down on.
According to the Department of Education’s National Center for Education Statistics, three in every four Oregon undergraduates have taken out a loan to pay for school. This means that 75 percent of Oregon college students are in debt. We know that we at the Guerrilla are in debt up to our soft, kind, blue eyeballs, to the tune of thousands and thousands of dollars. It might be a good idea to consolidate those loans because the interest rates on government loans are slated to go up to 7.14 percent. Most blame the trend on rising tuition and a decline in state funding. Either way, that grace period is looking mighty short from where we’re sitting.
What this means for you: If you plan on having children and sending them to college you should have started saving for their education before your first birthday. If things continue to go the way they are now, tuition for a good state college education will likely hit about a half million by the time your offspring hit puberty.
Congratulations, graduates! Or not. According to an Associated Press study in November, only 56 percent of college students obtain a degree after six years. For minority students, the odds of receiving a degree after more than half a decade are even lower. Higher education policy wonks fear that students may be incurring huge college debt that they will then have to pay off with a significantly lower income because they lack a degree.
What this means for you: Let’s see, $17,000 in debt times 7.14 percent APR plus a 50 percent decrease in average lifetime income – too bad we haven’t taken that math class yet. We’re going to take it next year, or maybe the year after that.
According to an article published this year by Men’s Fitness magazine in conjunction with the Princeton Review, Portland State University is the fifth fattest school in America. The ranking was based on an 18-question survey given to PSU students. We at the Guerrilla may be partly to blame for the result, considering that on question five of the survey we answered, “Hell yeah, biatch. PSU has the phattest muthafuckas on the planet. Woot woot!” In retrospect, we realize that taking the survey after having been on a bender of Twinkies, PBR and German sausages may not have been the best idea.
What this means for you: Is that all you can do? Fifth place? What are you, an underachiever? We’re going for number one, baby! We’ll put this campus on the map. Brand that, Bernstine.