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Say wha?

“We want people to take responsibility and be accountable. This isn’t a magical building where they think they can do whatever they want and not be held accountable.”

-Residence Life Director Corey Ray speaking his mind to the Vanguard last week on the numerous instances of students throwing objects from the Broadway Building, resulting in three shattered glass awnings in one month.

In case you were wondering …

The Oregon primary is here, and now that your ballots are in, you can just sit back and watch the results come in when totals are announced tonight.

What’s that you say? You haven’t turned in your ballot? OK, slacker, like street preachers say, “The end is nigh,” and in order for your vote to be counted, you must get your ballot in by 8 p.m. tonight.

Don’t know where to drop off your ballot? Well, there are these things called libraries, where “books” are “checked out.” They are sort of like a new version of Google books. You can drop off your ballot in drop boxes set up there throughout the day.

If you can’t make it to the library (or ‘brary,’ as the cool kids call it), you can drop your ballot off at various, and seemingly random, Portland locations such as some McDonald’s and even at Goodwill. Visit www.sos.state.or.us/elections/other.info/clerk.htm for official drop box locations.

What the hell is that?

It’s God’s wrath, incarnate.

Yes, another street preacher visited the Park Blocks Monday, but instead of the typical end-o’-the-world washboard strapped to his shoulders, this fella had a 15-foot banner that made him look more like a sailboat than a Bible-thumper.

Why was he here? To let us all know one thing: God is angry with sinners, and that’s what we all are.

The information this street preacher shared really surprised us at the Vanguard, however.

For years we had operated under the mantra that there are only seven sins, and they’re deadly at that. (Which is why we avoided them … except for lust, obviously.)

Well, this preacher showed us a thing or two. According to his hefty sign, there are at least 26 different kinds of sinners. It’s clear that we probably won’t be able to avoid 26 sins, so we hope these ones are not so deadly.

Here are some of our favorite flavors of so-called sin:

-Couch-potato “Christians”-Power-hungry women/Cult of the effeminate intellect-People who talk to pets more than to God-Sports fanatics-Misc. heathens

By office poll, most of the Vanguard staff fell under the “miscellaneous heathen” category, but we also had a few “Power-hungry women/Cult of the effeminate intellect” sinners.

We discovered also that we have a few sports fanatics, to boot. Apparently, these “sports fanatics” write stories about a group of Vikings, although we’re not entirely certain what that means.