Answered! Irrelevant information that you need to know

Say wha?“I am acknowledging that I’ve been hurt by patriarchy.”–Writing on a mysterious sticky note found on the mirror in the men’s basement bathroom in Smith Memorial Student Union, along with others that said things like, “It’s ok to cry,” and “I am giving myself permission to feel.”

In case you were wondering…Portland State is the new Hollywood for B-list and out-of-work film actors. Like an afternoon at Spago Beverly Hills, waves of lesser-known celebrities have been flocking to PSU–not for the tasty food at our cafeteria, but instead to pimp their latest causes.

The pages of the Vanguard in recent weeks have read more like a celebrity tabloid than like the reputable news publication you all know and love. Dulé Hill, for instance, the actor known for his role as the token black man the president’s aide in The West Wing, dropped by the university to headline a rally for Barack Obama. That same day, Sean Astin, whose starring role in Lord of the Rings propelled him into a laundry list of guest appearances on TV, came to PSU to stump for Hillary Clinton.

Tatyana Ali even came through campus to campaign for Obama, but it’s questionable whether she is actually famous.

Now, Joey Pantoliano (Yeah!, that dude Cypher from The Matrix!) is rolling into the Park Blocks on June 2 at 10 a.m. with the “Help is Here” tour bus, which aims to provide people with information about how they can get prescription medications at little to no cost.

Even though all these celebs are promoting good causes, we’re certain it will get worse. We’re just waiting for the day that Pauly Shore, the epitome of B-list (or D-list) actors, hits up PSU while campaigning to give down-and-out celebrities the right to receive food stamps.

What the hell is that?It’s swag, and it is one of the perks of being in the media business.

Almost every day, the Vanguard‘s mailboxes are filled with promotional materials like free CDs, posters, novels and other items for the paper to review (or sometimes ignore).

Yet, not all of the promo materials sent to us are useful. Occasionally we will receive oddball swag (slang term for free stuff) like a box full of Borat swimsuits, a So You Think You Can Dance headband and towel, a small soapbox derby car made out of an unopened Red Bull and even a Frank TV clock (remember that show?).

While these items sometimes do get used in the late Vanguard production hours (the Borat swimsuits are a good way to make coworkers uncomfortable), one question remains… What are we supposed to do with all this shi-…uh…stuff?

Sometimes we give the swag away-like with the 100 In the Land of Women booty shorts we received last year, which were subsequently swept up in a PSU feeding frenzy. Other times the materials sit in the arts and culture cubicle, collecting dust, like a bag of promotional hot cocoa sent to support the Tyler Perry movie Why Did I Get Married?

Yet, companies–with their million-dollar ad campaigns–still insist on sending their crap our way.

Now, it’s time to try on that Harold and Kumar T-shirt and visor.