Ask the commissioner

The Reddit.com Ask Me Anything feature has become one of this century’s favored methods of prying into the lives of celebrities, allowing the Internet population to ask sports figures, musicians and actors, well, anything they want. So, on Monday evening, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell decided it would be a fantastic idea to participate in one of these newfangled AMAs. He answered about 15 questions in an hour and then split. Here are the top five gems delivered over the course of that hour.

5. Mr. Goodell tries to make a joke and gets berated.

User jdi_nit asked how important journalist Rich Eisen is to the NFL network. Goodell responded by saying, “Thanks for your question, Mrs. Eisen!” Was it witty? Sure, but the comments that followed did not seem to agree. Many proclaimed sarcastic admiration that Roger Goodell, who has the reputation of coming off as an overly scrupulous robot, had actually made a joke, going so far as to say that he had received a software upgrade to “humor.”

4. Mr. Goodell spites the entire state of Louisiana

Bountygate, the term attributed to the New Orleans Saints organization for providing a slush fund to compensate defensive players who inflicted injuries on opponents, did not appear to be a topic Goodell cared to talk about. One user asked if Goodell believed that he mishandled the Bountygate investigation in any way, and the commissioner responded with: “We removed bounties from the game. Bounties won’t be part of football. That’s good for everyone involved.” Saints fans were none too pleased with this response, claiming that Goodell sidestepped the question because he was the one who botched the investigation and ruined the Saints’ chances for a decent season. Somebody get this man some more security for the Super Bowl.

3. Goodell asks fans if they would like to see more extensive touchdown celebrations, and proves that he truly doesn’t understand the NFL fan base.

Starting out as a simple question as to why the NFL (often dubbed the “No Fun League” by fans) so thoroughly detests players’ enjoyment of a touchdown, Goodell explained in too-great detail about how touchdown celebrations are judged. “This rule gets reconsidered by our competition committee every year,” he said, then asked, “Do we want more?”—as if the grizzled, old-guard NFL Competition Committee would ever consider allowing a 30-second Victor Cruz-led conga line with Eli Manning doing backflips across the end zone.

2. There’s actually a uniform inspector who goes around checking socks.

After Frank Gore was fined $10,500 for wearing his socks too low, user HeLiX_C wanted to know why, exactly, the NFL cares so much about the issue. Goodell copped out with a comment about professionalism, but did mention that a uniform inspector (usually a former player) is at every game to check that each player’s uniform meets regulations. Not only is this utterly ridiculous, but it brings to light the fact that there seriously exists a pool of retired players whose job it is to wander the field looking at sock length. Who wants to bet that Mark Sanchez is currently researching his next opportunity?

1. Reddit user Loate ‘rickrolls’ Goodell. Also, Loate is Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe.

At first, it seems as though the question is thought-provoking and heartfelt, but then you notice a paraphrased lyric from Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” and realize that the commissioner just fell for a classic Internet bait-and-switch. Naturally, Goodell’s response is one of his more detailed during the session, adding even more salt to the wound. Later in the comments, users gleefully reveal Loate’s true identity—proving, that, no, Roger Goodell isn’t even respected, even by the players .