Author: Dick Richards

Actually, I do have some spare change. But you certainly can’t have it, you gutter punk piece of shit! It’s mine and I earned it honestly without mooching off of my goodhearted neighbors.

Be warned. I am about to utter words of Portland heresy and sacrilege. I may have to go into hiding once you all know my inner most feelings about a deeply rooted Portland treasure. Mobs will be formed as many wooden boards fashioned with pointy nails are forged. But I am sorry, I can’t remain silent anymore, it has to be said: Stumptown coffee really blows.

They yammer on and on about their way of life. Endlessly trying to convert those who don’t believe as they do. Given the chance, they will preach on and on about their life-changing dogma and the good it will do for others. And I’ve had it. I don’t care, you wretched, annoying atheists!

I was walking through a department store last month—let’s call it “Teddies”—contemplating costume ideas for my favorite holiday event of the year. I couldn’t help but notice that a week before Halloween, seasonal items for another coming holiday were already going on sale. One that is not fast approaching.