Author: Ryan Klute

I like to keep my fingers on the pulse of the Portland State social scene. This usually means I know which professor has a sick kitty or when freshmen break-up, but sometimes, my tireless and creepy vigilance pays off.

“I’ll break it down for you now, baby It’s simple: If you be a nympho, I’ll be a nympho.” Ladies, did that pick-up line make you want to fuck me? No? Wait, read it again and pretend that you are in a loud smoky bar and I just sent you a $4 drink. Still no? What if I was wearing really dark sunglasses and a Ghostbusters shirt and untied tan boots? Fine, it’s your loss. I am going to regroup and go try it again on that blonde a few tables over.

Is it summer already? Looking inside the Ondine dining hall, I’m not really sure. These freshmen diners, specifically the ladies, should take a moment from their wilted salads and look out the window.