Can you read upside-down



It’s upside-down day here in Savage City and I’m turning things completely upside-down. Anonymous people will interview me, but they will end the question with “upside-down.”




I wanna do an interview but – there’s a catch.




You’re interviewing me, but you have to end the question with “upside-down.”




‘Cause it’s upside-down day at the Vanguard.


So you have to interview me today?




Can I do it later?


No, now.






I’m busy.


It’s gonna take like two minutes.


There’s tons of people – you go away!


Two minutes.


No, the last time you did an interview with me it was the most awkward experience I’ve had in recent history. I appreciate that you’ve got this very creative medium that you’re using – no bueno! Ask one of these guys – he even works with you.


Anonymous 2


Before you start asking me these questions you have to include “upside-down” at the end of each question.



Can you play guitar upside-down?


I can’t play guitar right-side-up.


Can you play anything upside-down?


I can play with myself.


I can play with myself upside-down. Have you ever eaten a banana upside-down?


Yes, I think I have.


What are you doing this for?


The Vanguard.


Do you know Tucker Miller upside-down?


I know Tucker Miller right-side up.


Yeah, he was my roommate last year, he’s a good guy upside-down or right-side up.


What about doggy?


Yeah, I don’t know, he was the big spoon. Did you get a flyer? (Hands me a flyer to a fraternity party).


I’d read it but it’s upside-down.


You can’t read it upside-down?




I bet you can.




Anonymous 3


What do you think squirrels think upside-down?


They’re probably eating their little nuts, and they’re thinking “Oh wow, these are some tasty nuts.”


So I asked this guy yesterday if he was concerned about pigeons eating cigarette butts upside-down-


So what’s your question?


Are you concerned about pigeons eating cigarette butts upside-down?


I thought you were asking that guy?


Now I’m asking you, what’s your stance?


Well, they shouldn’t eat them right-side-up.


But upside-down it’s okay?


Upside-down it’s not okay, and they’d probably choke because they probably can’t swallow right, right-side-up. And they probably can’t get upside-down.


Anonymous 4


Can I interview you?


What’s it about?


Well actually, it’s not me interviewing you, it’s you interviewing me but you have to end your questions with “upside-down.” So you’d have to ask me, like, “Do you eat pizza upside-down?”


Do you like B/bush upside-down?


It depends on the type of B/bush you’re talking about.


What is the kind of B/bush you like?


Well, the kind I’m thinking of I like any side up or down or sideways. And I think you can guess which kind that is.


Do you like your money upside-down?


Money is money – uh – either side up, so yeah, I like my money, although I don’t have much of it when it is in the palm of my hand – upside – no, not upside-down, ’cause if it’s not in the palm of my hand upside-down it’s gonna fall to the ground.


Do you think the war in Iraq is an upside-down war?





Do I think the war in Iraq is – well, then it would be right-side up, I think it’s upside-down all around.


What about the state of human beings? Are we upside-down?


I think the state of human beings has always been upside-down. It’s never going to be right-side-up and that brings about good things and it also brings about a lot of bad things, any side you wanna think about – any other questions?




Anonymous 5


When was the last time you asked someone a question upside-down?


A long time ago.


Do you want to elaborate upside-down?


(I get upside-down) It was so long ago I don’t remember how long ago it was.


What does it feel like to be upside-down?


Um – well the blood rushes to my head, I can’t see right and I can’t really get all the way upside-down so it’s just my torso that’s upside-down and it’s just kinda uncomfortable.


What do you think about hairstyles upside-down?


I don’t think about hairstyles upside-down.


I saw this girl the other day and her makeup was upside-down, what’s your opinion on that?


Does that mean she had lipstick on her forehead?


No, she had eye shadow but it was all under her eye.


Upside-down? That might look pretty sexy, I’m not sure though, I’d have to see it myself – was she some silly-ass Goth girl?


Yeah – I just remembered the upside-down dream I had, I had a dream where everything was upside-down. We were driving on the highway and we went under the overpass thing and there were cars driving upside-down and then we went on to an on-ramp and our car went upside-down. Then we went to the city and the whole thing was upside-down and we were driving down the road and we got to these peoples’ houses and we were talking to them about the upside-down thing and it was really uncomfortable the whole time to be upside-down, it’s not normal. This one guy had this crazy conspiracy theory, he thought it was like aliens that did it or something. I forgot all about that.