dada The Street Savage dada

It’s about time we learned something useful in this gigantic schoolhouse of Yawnsville.

It’s about time we learned something useful in this gigantic schoolhouse of Yawnsville.

Anonymous 1 and 3

Can one of you talk about the classes you’re taking?

A1: I don’t do so well in interviews.

All you have to do is answer questions.

A1: Uh…I could try it.

What are the classes you are taking?

A1: Two-Dimensional Design…uh…uh…uh…Printmaking Intermediate…and Art History.

Do you like the professors?

A1: So far, yeah, Joe Maka is pretty cool.

What’s his name?

A1: Joe Maka.

Jo’ maka what?

A1: Jo maka…uh…I don’t know…jo maka fucks well? Jo maka treated me nice last night?

Would Joe Maka make a good general?

A3: Of what? Like a war general?

Of war.

A1: No.


A1: ‘Cause he’s too emotional.

War is very emotional.

A1: Yeah, but he wouldn’t want to fight, he likes to interview people on couches.

Do you think he could destroy vast armies by interviewing them on couches?

A1: Nah, he might be able to dismantle their brain a little bit.

Would he be able to dismantle their brain in such a way that they might…fall down and die?

A1: No.


A3: Because he doesn’t have that much mojo…that much maka…

What’s maka?

A1: It’s like mojo but it’s maka, it’s more on the emotional side.

Do you think he could make them cry with his emotional side?

A1: Yeah.

Do you think he could make them die of sorrow?

A1: No.

Do you think he could train you in the ancient art of making people cry…the death cry?

A1: Maybe not the death cry but he could teach me how to emotionally dismantle people.

Anonymous 2 and 3

How are your classes going?

A2: I haven’t had any yet. I’ve just been working all day.

A3: I don’t know what mine are called…or where they’re at.

Could you make up names for me?

A2: Um…Middle Eastern Bombshell Basket-Weaving Duck-Calling.

A3: And I’m taking Time-Travel for the 21st Century, it’s my Senior Capstone.

Oh, wonderful! Tell me about the professors for these classes.

A2: Mine is like a cute little bug.

Does he talk?

A2: No.

He has to teach, what is his teaching like?

A2: I could describe it in one waaaay…yeah, a bug. I can’t go any more than that.

How does he teach you?

A2: It’s easy, through colonies, making a colony.

I see.

A2: You’re not following me.

Do they form words?

A2: Yes.


A2: And then they go and kill caterpillars and turn it into green food, which you can take back to the horde…hive…


A2: Horde.

A3: Hive!

A2: Hive…colony. They take it back to the colony.

And you learn medieval bomb-making basket-weaving…?

A2: It’s pretty easy.

A3: That sounds like fun.

A2: It’s like a 100-level class.

A3: I should take that one with you, it’s cooler than time travel.

A2: It’s good, because I’m worried about my GPA.

How is your professor?

A3: It’s this crazy mad scientist, but we get to go on a field trip to 2050.

A2: Is that where you hit Jesus in the nuts?

A3: Yeah!

Jesus comes back in 2050?!

A3: I thought everybody knew that.

A2: So that he can kick him in the nuts!

Would you say that…you would, ah…that these professors would make good generals?

A2: Yeah, mine is the soldier ant, not a worker ant.

A3: It’s an ant or a bug?

A2: I was thinkin’ more of a bug-ant.

I know what those are!

A2: You see him all the time! On the streets.

On the streets!

A2: On dogs.

On dogs!

A2: You pick them off of dogs, sometimes the dogs pick them off themselves, sometimes you go to the vet to get them sprayed off the dog. Sometimes you have a collar for the bugs.

A3: Or you could bomb their house too!

A2: Or you could eat a bomb burrito.

Sounds delicious, ‘specially on the battlefield.

A2: Nothing quenches your appetite like a bomb burrito on the bug field.

On the bug of ant…it’s a glorious battle.

A2: Uh hunh, to the death, to Valhalla.

To the Hollow.

A2: Valhalla! Where soldiers go to die, where soldiers ant-bugs go when they die.

I know all about that because I’m Scandinavian.

A2: Me too! I’m from Portugal!

Really? I’m from the…uh…Morocco.

A2: I’m from the Outback!

A3: Those are the two coolest Scandinavian countries anyway, Portugal and Morocco…oh…and Australia!

Antarctica is a good one too! So tell me about this glorious battle the mad scientist will fight in the future.

A3: Yeah, we’re going to go to 2050 to kick Jesus in the balls.

Do you know what your specialty…or, uh…niche will be, like maybe you’ll be a bomb specialist?

A3: I’m just gonna kick really hard when I find him. I’ll look for the guy with the long hair. He’s not white though!

A2: And he’s a woman! But [Anonymous 1] is a good kicker!

A3: I was number one in my kickball team.

So you don’t have to worry about nuts either.

A2: They’ll be the mythical nut kickers.

The mythical nuts?

A2: The theological nuts.

Theoretical-theological nuts.

A2: Yeah…complimentary nuts.

A3: [referring to Anonymous 2’s homemade T-shirt with a felt-TV shape sewed on to it that had various pictures or “channels” in it] Did you see [Anonymous 2]’s TV?

A2: [shows me each channel] First, there’s a squid. Now, there’s a pig being slaughtered. A back of a Polaroid. And finally…wait…oops! [drops a channel] Commercial.

A3: I like the front of the Polaroid!

Yeah, I like that too.

A2: [picks up a channel] It’s a recipe! [I guess it’s some kind of cooking show] It’s a potato salad log!Do you have a channel of your bug professor(s)?

A2: No.

You should get one and I think you’ll get an A!

A2: He’s into that, he’s a little bit vain…I’ll be quite frank.

I’ll be quite Tage, and thank you both for talking to me.

A2: Why thank you.

A3: A pleasure!

A2: Later alligator!

After a while crocodile.