Getting good vibes

Picture this (hopefully it isn’t hard): You and your partner are having some good emotional vibes, and you wonder if some physical vibes may complement them. Perhaps you wonder if you should you go out and get a vibrator to play with as a couple. Yes! Vibrators are a fantastic way to spice things up in the bedroom.

As you are heading out with your partner to your preferred sex shop to buy your vibrator, there are a few things to keep in mind to make the experience best.

First, and perhaps most obviously, you get what you pay for. It’s an unfortunate fact that the cheap vibrators tend to not last as long, so if you want something to go the extra orgasm, you are going to have to drop some extra cash. I would like to point out that cheap toys can actually be nice for experimentation. Sex shops will often have a number of different of vibrators ranging from about $8 to $25. If you aren’t sure exactly what you want, those can help you narrow it down. Just don’t expect them to last a long time.

Second, there is the issue of supplying power. Most vibrators, especially smaller ones, run on batteries. The Hitachi Magic Wand is big enough to need to be plugged into an outlet. Anyway, with batteries, make sure you get appropriate ones. Avoid any of the super-charged batteries, because they will fry the motor in your little friend, which is a sad, sad occurrence. If you’re going for a bullet vibrator, I’d suggest getting the slightly larger ones that take AA or AAA batteries instead of the watch-type batteries—replacing them will be much more convenient. If you do get a watch-battery powered vibrator, pick up some vibrator-specific batteries to go with it. These are less powerful and won’t damage the motor. Keep in mind that as battery powered vibes lose their charge, they become less powerful. Corded models are a little unwieldy, but always stay strong.

Third, avoid wires. I don’t mean power plug wires such as the Hitachi, but I mean little wires on the vibrator. Gimmicky ones will often advertise wired remote controls or joined extra thingamajoggers and whatnots, but just avoid all of them. The main reason being that those tiny wires, surprise surprise, are generally pretty flimsy and break rather quickly. Spend your hard earned money on something better.

Next, and this is vital to remember, don’t insert anything into your partner’s anus unless it has a flared base. Otherwise it will get sucked up inside and your sexy date night will turn into a much less sexy hospital visit night. Check to make sure your vibrator is designed for it before trying anal play with them.

Lastly, there is the issue of materials. If you’re looking for something stiffer, go for glass, metal or silicone-coated plastic. If you’re looking for something more malleable, go for silicone, which is your only real option for soft. Plastics and other similar materials are harder to clean and degrade faster, which is bad because the vibrator starts to disintegrate into little bits of material. Also, the divots that begin to develop in the surface become bacterial breeding grounds.

On a related note: You have to clean the toy. Certain toys, such as the Hitachi Magic Wand, are designed so you can put a condom over the toy to keep it clean. Otherwise, you will want to buy cleaner or make sure the toy is waterproof and can be cleaned with a bit of soap and warm water. Either way, you will definitely want to make sure the toy is clean enough to eat off of before you put it inside anybody’s body.

So, you are heading out to buy a vibrator for the first time, armed with the knowledge I have provided. What do you get? I asked my friend, Dirty Mike (so-called because he worked at an adult shop), for his words of wisdom.

“As for your first, start small. I recommend a bullet-style vibe. Get something nice and simple that has an on/off button on the bottom or wireless remote control. If you want vaginal stimulation, then the same recommendation applies.”

This is good advice. Don’t be afraid to go bigger, though, if you want to or need to. In a recent interview, the always amusing and often infuriating Dan Savage commented about how many women’s internal clitoral wings are deep in their pelvis. As a result, little bullet vibes don’t cut it. But women new to vibrators are sometimes scared to get something bigger because they feel threatened. If the little vibrators don’t cut it, or if you are a little more experienced and adventurous, go for the Hitachi Magic Wand, which in the words of Dan “is like a jackhammer, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk!” For the record, Hitachis are pretty snazzy and are definitely worth the price (around $75).

Armed with this knowledge, go forth and buy the best vibrator to give you and your partner the best times possible!