Holiday movies

There Will Be BloodOpens Dec. 26Director: Paul Thomas AndersonStarring: Daniel-Day Lewis, Paul DanoExcite-o-meter score: 96

Paul Thomas Anderson has made four films and all of them have been brilliant–don’t expect any less from this one. Anderson is one of the best of modern directors and screenwriters and this is his first film in four years. He ditched his usual ensemble of actors and brought on indie favorite Paul Dano and virtuoso actor Daniel-Day Lewis to tell the turn of the century story about greed, religion and oil by author Upton Sinclair. Get excited for this one.

JunoOpens Dec. 5Director: Jason ReitmanStarring: Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Jason BatemanExcite-o-meter score: 87

A 16-year-old (Ellen Page) deals with her unplanned pregnancy with the help of family and friends. Juno has been getting rave reviews for its star-making performance by Page and its script by ex-stripper Diablo Cody (How could you be named Diablo and not be a stripper?)

For you Arrested Development fans, don’t get too excited for a George Michael and Michael Bluth reunion-the former screen team of Michael Cera and Jason Bateman unfortunately do not share any scenes together in this film.

Cassandra’s DreamOpens Dec. 28Director: Woody Allen Starring: Colin Farrell, Ewan McGregorExcite-o-meter score: 81

Woody Allen almost lost most of us with Scoop, his follow up to the extraordinary Match Point. Now he’s Scarlett Johansson-free and back in the moody-thriller mode with Cassandra’s Dream. Colin Farrell matched up with Ewan McGregor should be an interesting combination, and the plot about crime and gambling looks like it could have some interesting twists. He may not be funny anymore, but Woody Allen sure knows how to make a well-constructed movie.

The SavagesOpens Nov. 28Director: Tamara JenkinsStarring: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Laura LinneyExcite-o-meter score: 78

You might not have heard of it yet, but The Savages could be the Sideways of this movie season. The story, about two siblings dealing with the imminent death of their father, looks like it will be sad, sweet and wonderfully acted. Fans of character development and dialogue should get much from this film.

The Golden CompassOpens Dec. 7Director: Chris Weitz Starring: Nicole Kidman, Daniel CraigExcite-o-meter score: 72

Your favorite atheistic kids books are hitting the big screen, now atheism free! Don’t expect any heavy-handed philosophy (director Chris Weitz said he specifically took it out), but do expect subtle examinations of religious themes paired with fighting polar bears or something. For those who haven’t read the books, the trailer seems convoluted and obtuse, yet still intriguing. This giant-budgeted movie could be the big hit of the season.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet StreetOpens Dec. 21Director: Tim BurtonStarring: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham CarterExcite-o-meter score: 63

Tim Burton pairing with Johnny Depp, for some, is like mixing peanut butter and jelly, but for others it’s like mixing shit with chocolate-covered shit. The life-partners are teaming up again to bring you the gothic musical Sweeney Todd, so expect lots of blood and weirdness. This movie really could go either way depending on how much humor is injected in the story about the murderous barber. Wait for the reviews to get your ticket for this one.

National Treasure: Book of SecretsOpens Dec. 21Director: Jon TurteltaubStarring: Nicolas Cage, Diane KrugerExcite-o-meter score: 50

Admit it, you watched the first National Treasure movie. Which is fine, because everyone else did too. The Indiana Jones-y plot involving government secrets and assassinations should please adventure fans, but annoy anyone with taste. Screw those pretentious assholes anyway, this movie has Nicolas Cage trying to kidnap the President!

I am LegendOpens Dec. 14Director: Francis LawrenceStarring: Will SmithExcite-o-meter score: 46

The last man on earth has to fight for his survival against mysterious creatures. Sounds awesome, right? Yes, but I am Legend, despite having such a great set-up, also stars Will Smith aka the killer of movies. Expect overacting and idiotic one-liners from the former Fresh Prince. Fingers are crossed that this film will be as good as it’s trailers make it seem, but we all know trailers lie.

RevolverOpens Dec. 7Director: Guy RitchieStarring: Jason Statham, Ray LiottaExcite-o-meter score: 33

British hack Guy Ritchie has decided to shit out his failed 2005 non-U.S. released film, Revolver, and package it like it is brand new. This film was Ritchie’s attempt to get back to the gangster genre that made him famous, and it died a critical death. If you are one of the few Guy Ritchie fans alive you might as well rent the import DVD. Any coolness that Ritchie had in him was drained years ago after he started fucking Madonna–don’t waste your time on this film.

Alvin and the ChipmunksOpens Dec. 14Director: Tim HillStarring: Jason Lee, David CrossExcite-o-meter score: 7

There is no god. After years of appearing on only Christmas album compilations, the demon spawn novelty act Alvin and the Chipmunks are heading for yet another comeback in this live-action film. What were Jason Lee and David Cross thinking when they agreed to act alongside three animated chipmunks who sing “Funky Town” in sped up voices? Oh yeah, they were thinking, “Ch-Ching! Pay day!” Boycott this movie and kill any chipmunks you run across out of spite.