Cancer
June 21-July 22
Try Pop-Tarts as a base for that cheesecake you’re making this week. The results will rock your world if you stick to your favorite Tart flavor.
Leo
July 23-August 22
Do you ever think about that old Angelfire website you had back in junior high? Well, it might not be around anymore, but somebody has a screen shot of it somewhere.
Virgo
August 23-September 22
Sometimes Jesus really does need to take the wheel. Allow yourself to lose control this week and see what happens.
Libra
September 23-October 22
You’re more than a one-dimensional cartoon, Libra. Even you might surprise yourself at all the dimensions you possess.
Scorpio
October 23-November 21
I don’t know why you decided to go Paleo. I would just recommend steering clear of the savory cookies if you insist on following this fad.
Sagittarius
November 22-December 21
You’re not ahead of the times if you believe in equality for all. You’re actually just being a decent human being.
Capricorn
December 22-January 19
Let’s calm down the ego, Capi. Yeah, you’re great at what you do, but there’s always more you can learn in the world.
Aquarius
January 20-February 18
Be the change you wish to see in the world and not the villain in a dystopian YA novel.
Pisces
February 20-March 19
Do you ever wonder why people take pills that have worse side effects than the thing they’re battling, Pisces? Me too.
Aries
March 21-April 19
Travel is an important part of life experience. Consider going to a new place and just losing yourself in a new culture.
Taurus
April 20-May 20
Yeah, that guy with the pamphlet is a cult leader. I’d recommend crossing the street and not interacting with him.
Gemini
May 21-June 20
I know we’re both tired of remakes and adaptations, Gemini. That’s why you have that original idea. Get creating!
