Today’s Birthday (February 5)
Phony-esque
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Blender-maker
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Cancel-itis
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Nay-sayer
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Toe-toucher
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Meat-eater
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Poop-giver
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Kiss-obsessed
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You don’t even deserve a hyphen
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Heel-kicker
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Jackson-like
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Touchy-feely
Aquarius.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Muthafuckin-sonuvabitch
– Your Psychic Friend at the Vanguard