It may have been a late class, a study group, an incarceration or maybe you just plain lost track of time. Whatever it is, you missed your favoritest show last night, and given that you’re an honest international-copyright-law-abiding citizen, you’re not about to go downloading some sketchy torrents so you can catch what you missed. Or maybe you are. But be forewarned, statistics* indicate that 97 percent of torrents are mislabeled and feature Canadian goat-sushi porn.
Internet killed the TV star
It may have been a late class, a study group, an incarceration or maybe you just plain lost track of time.
Whatever it is, you missed your favoritest show last night, and given that you’re an honest international-copyright-law-abiding citizen, you’re not about to go downloading some sketchy torrents so you can catch what you missed.
Or maybe you are. But be forewarned, statistics* indicate that 97 percent of torrents are mislabeled and feature Canadian goat-sushi porn.
So for those of you not into goat-sushi porn, what are your options? You can spend three bucks, buy the episode off of iTunes and try to watch it on the micro-sized display screen currently offered on the increasingly tiny iPods; you can watch the two minute episode recap on the official Web site; or you can wait an eternity for the show to be released on a massively overpriced DVD, buy it, take out a second mortgage on your house, plummet into bankruptcy and start injecting heroin into your eyeballs.
Well no thank you, one episode of Grey’s Anatomy–uh … I mean World’s Burliest and Most Manly Jobs, is not worth heroin in my eyeballs, not by a long shot.
But fear no longer my fellow TV-starved countrymen, it is the golden age of the Internet, one that will never end. Check that, one that will end once the Internet develops into a self-aware sentient possessing the sum of mankind’s knowledge.
In the meantime, the Internet offers a vast array of Web sites to lull you into entertained complacency until that day comes.
That’s right, you can catch all your favorite hit television programs on your own computer. Come along on a magical journey to the best time-wasting sites on the Web.
*Statistics may have been entirely fabricated for the purpose of this article.
Hulu — www.hulu.comFOX and NBC launched Hulu earlier this year as a joint venture in an effort to combat the rise of Internet television piracy. And it seems to be working pretty well.
Offering a vast array of programming from both corporations and many of their subsidiaries, the shows are interrupted by limited commercials usually spanning only 15 to 30 seconds.
In addition, Hulu offers over 100 movies, from classic to contemporary films. If that weren’t enough, you can also catch some of TV’s favorites, such as The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Alf.
Really, Hulu has got hundreds of hours of timewasters waiting to be watched, and at a price that we can all afford: our self-respect. What’s popular now?– Family Guy- Heroes- The Daily Show with Jon Stewart- Saturday Night Live
Joost — www.joost.comThe developers of Skype bring you free entertainment on the Web. There is one catch though: you have to register.
Irritating, I know, but the payoff is pretty sweet. There is a lot of overlap with Hulu as far as content, but Joost offers even more. Joost opts for quantity over quality, but that’s not to say that there isn’t plenty of quality entertainment to be had.
In addition to a shit-ton of movies and TV shows, Joost offers a wide array of Sports coverage (college and professional) as well as documentaries from National Geographic and tons of content from CBS. It might just be worth the minute and a half it takes to enter your e-mail and username for registration (oh, and the standard 15-second commercial breaks). What’s popular now?– The Fifth Element- The Professional- Starship Troopers – Britney Spears – Womanizer (Director’s Cut)
South Park Studios – www.southparkstudios.comIn a wise and welcome move from Comedy Central, South Park Studios was launched in March 2008 offering every episode of South Park ever made, in addition to clips, previews and games. You read that right, every friggin’ episode of South Park ever, including new episodes as they’re released.
In a press release on South Park Studios’ Web site, Trey Parker and Matt Stone said “We got really sick of having to download our own show illegally all the time so we gave ourselves a legal alternative.”
In addition to every episode you could ever want, South Park Studios offers games such as “South Park Ass Kicker, Inspector Butters” and “Major Boobage: K-Type,” and even a South Park avatar creator. South Park Studios is still technically in beta, but I don’t know what that means and it works just fine, so go crazy. With 15-second breaks that are usually Comedy Central related, you’ll never have to leave your computer again, even to go to the bathroom (as long as you use the technique championed by Cartman in “Make Love, Not Warcraft”).Featured episodes:– Tweek Vs. Craig – South Park Is Gay- Breast Cancer Show Ever- Good Times with Weapons
Other Internet TV Below are a few other sites that may satiate your lurid television desires.
Veoh – www.veoh.com: A site offering a search service for thousands of television programs and films.Babelgum – www.babelgum.com: An interactive TV service with independent and new content. Zattoo – www.zattoo.com: Featuring 225 channels worth of content from all over the world, Zattoo only requires a free media player download. Also, it’s not yet available in the United States. But they’ll send you an e-mail when it is.
