Jokes to cover up stupid costumes

Let’s face it not everyone is a fashion designer or a make-up artist. Therefore the odds are pretty good your costume’s liable to suck. Much like my brother Tim’s scarecrow from the “Wizard of Oz” did many years ago. We’d used a two-by-four across his back and through his shirt, attaching his arms to the beam for “realism.”

Well, as we discovered, and as you probably guessed, he couldn’t pick any candy out of the bag.

But that wasn’t going to deter my brother. So he turned in an attempt to get a better angle, unfortunately for Cinderella, Raggedy Ann and a pirate waiting patiently behind us, they were tossed discourteously into the bushes.

This would be a familiar scenario for the next five or six houses until Tim, candyless and the brunt of many lashings by magical wands and plastic swords, tottered home in tears leaving a trail of children and parents tossed haphazardly into bushes and across lawns behind him.

What I’m trying to say is just because your costume may suck doesn’t mean you gotta run away. So that’s what these Halloween jokes are for – smoke screen. If they’re laughing they’re less likely to notice just how stupid that scarecrow costume is.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn’t have the guts.
Q: Why did the vampire take up acting? A: It was in his blood.
Q: What happens if you cross a werewolf and a sheep? A: You have to get a new sheep.
Q: What is a little witch’s favorite subject in school? A: Spelling.
Q: What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend? A: I love every bone in your body.
Q: What do you call a witches cat that drinks vinegar? A: A sour puss.
Q: Why doesn’t anybody like Dracula? A: He has a bat temper.
Q: What’s the best advice you can give to a witch on a broomstick? A: Don’t fly off the handle.
Q: Why don’t skeletons play music in church? A: They have no organs.
Q: What do romantic vampires do? A: Neck.
Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton? A: Napoleon bone-apart.
Q: When do witches cook their victims? A: On Fry Day.
Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires? A: Fang mail.
Q: What do you call a stupid skeleton? A: Bonehead.
Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold? A: Coffin medicine.
Q: Why are graveyards so noisy? A: Because of all the coffin.