Men are easy

I like to think of dating as one of those mechanical bulls in saloon-style bars. Usually the person riding it is obscenely drunk and unaware that they have fallen off until their fat ass hits the ground. The trick to both dating and mechanical bull riding is that, no matter how intoxicating the situation may be, it is always best to get up and get back on again.

Dating is a daunting task, but for anyone looking for a bit more than a few great “platonic friends,” dating is an unavoidable priority. Often times, it is difficult to know where a date is going to lead. Sometimes a date that you had hoped would lead into something more serious ends up being nothing more than a sleazy one-night stand. Other times, you might be out with someone you have only a mediocre attraction to, but whom you come to find totally has the hots for you.

For those of you who are suffering from pre-date confusion, here are a few date definitions and explanations to measure the importance of your proposal.

The coffee confessional

The coffee date is fairly self-explanatory: You go to the loneliest-looking corner of a local caf퀌� and divulge as much information as you can about your date in the amount of time it takes to drink a grande mocha.

A coffee date is more like the preliminary interview before the real thing. If you are looking for a way to ask someone out but are not sure if you dig them enough to splurge for a full-on dinner, coffee is a non-committal implication that you are possibly interested in going out on a date.

Additionally, for a girl who does not want to ask out her crush, but does want to let him know she is interested, the suggestion of “going to coffee” is a burden-free hint that he is welcome to invite you on a real date.

Drinks and deliberation

Asking someone to “have a drink” is only a half step above getting coffee. When you ask someone out for an alcoholic beverage you are implying that you would like to get to know them better and also that you want them to see a looser, uninhibited side of your self.

The sketchy side of the drinks date is the ever present possibility that one or both of the people involved may wind up nervous at the beginning of the date and piss-drunk by the end. The result of drinking too much on this date could be a regretful one-night stand or an embarrassing trip-and-flip as the intoxicated individual attempts to slide off their bar stool but fails to do it smoothly.

Dinner and a movie

When someone asks you out to dinner and a movie, it means that they are seriously attracted to you and are hoping to spend a considerable amount of time with you. To attend both dinner and a movie usually takes somewhere between three and four hours. That is a long fucking time to spend with someone you don’t know very well.

This date is much more serious and involved than the coffee or the drinks dates. If you are prepared to ask someone to dinner, you had better be prepared to pay for their meal, even if it is a girl asking a guy. The asker is obligated to do the paying, though going Dutch may be accepted if the askee offers.

Asking someone out to dinner implies that you want to get to know them better, and it also suggests that you want to treat them to something. You want to have the privilege of entertaining them for the evening.

To anyone preparing for a dinner and a movie date: beware of the sometimes-underlying expectation for sex. It sometimes happens that the person paying for the date is only emptying their wallet with the anticipation of getting something in return, though this is disturbingly solicitous, and shouldn’t be considered a legitimate thought when dating.

The at-home restaurant and theater

Any time a person makes a home cooked meal for someone, (even if the food turns out horribly), they are showing a grand, thought-out gesture, and how much they like the person they are cooking for.

A man attempting to make dinner for a woman is one of the cutest and most highly-regarded dates possible. It just does not get any better than sitting back and drinking wine while a man prepares even the most simplistic entr퀌�e.

The home cooked meal is the most intimate of all dates and, when properly carried out, will almost always end in sex.