Naked city

Just face it: No matter how you feel about them, strip clubs are a dominating force in Portland’s economy, second only to Thai food and Plaid Pantries.

We are said to have the highest number of strip joints per capita in any U.S. city. Portland’s clubs are unique from other cities’ as most seem like a simple bar that happens to have dancers. All of them are friendly—be it to man, woman, gay, lesbian or even folks from Gresham.

Should you feel the need to venture out into one of the plethora of joints here in our fair city, the Vanguard is here to help with our guide to an eclectic handful of the more happening strip clubs—from the high-class to dive bars—that guys and gals can chillax at.

Acropolis
8325 S.E. McLaughlin Blvd.
Open 7 a.m. to 2:30 a.m.
Steak and legs! The steak here is awesome and can compete easily with any high-class steak house to give you one of the best cuts of beef you’ve ever had.

In addition, it has a nice salad bar and an impressive beer selection (51 beers on tap to be exact) and all at a more than decent price. Oh yeah, and there are dancers, too.
Atmosphere: Steakhouse, with dancers
Cover: Daily
$: Average, with cheap, amazing steak!
Food: Steakhouse
Creepy guy factor: 2 out of 5
Douchebag factor: 2 out of 5
Testosterone: 2 out of 5

Boom Boom Room
8345 S.W. Barbur Blvd.
Open 2 p.m. to 2 a.m.
Food is provided from the Szechuan restaurant upstairs. Small bar, so on busy nights it may take awhile to get your drink. Comfortable booths line the walls and there’s a pool table if you get bored.
Atmosphere: Laid back
Cover: None
$: Cheap to Average
Food: Szechuan and Mandarin
Creepy guy factor: 2 out of 5
Douchebag factor: 2 out of 5
Testosterone: 2 out of 5

Carnaval
330 S.W. Third Ave.
Tues.–Fri. 4 p.m. to 4 a.m.
Sat. and Sun. 6 p.m. to 4 a.m.Carnaval is the only age 18-and-over strip joint downtown. Which means, yes, you fresh outta high school folks can get quite a show, but sorry for the rest of us … no booze.
Atmosphere: Fairly relaxed, but a little cramped
Cover: Daily
$: Cheap
Food: None aside from the occasional candy bar
Creepy guy factor: 2.5 out of 5
Douchebag factor: 2 out of 5
Testosterone: 1 out of 5

Casa Diablo
2839 N.W. St. Helens Rd.
4 p.m. to 2:30 a.m.
Finally, now vegetarians and vegans have a bar that caters to their dietary needs while they look at the flesh on stage. This joint is all vegan and proud of it. With a devilish theme going on, this place is perhaps the closest you will get to From Dusk Till Dawn’s “Titty Twister.”
Atmosphere: Real relaxed Purgatory
Cover: None
$: Cheap
Food: Vegan
Creepy guy factor: 2
Douchebag factor: 2
Testosterone: 1

Devil’s Point
5305 S.E. Foster Rd.
Mon.–Fri. 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 a.m.
Sat. and Sun. 2 p.m. to 2:30 a.m.
It is a ways out from PSU, but this place is too unique and fun to not include in this guide. They have a new wave/punk vibe going on with fire strippers every Monday and Saturday, and Stripparaoke (strippers and karaoke, you get the idea) every Sunday. The music here is always good.
Atmosphere: Rock out with your everything out … and then light it on fire.
Cover: None
$: Average
Food: Bar food, slim pickin’s
Creepy guy factor: 1 out of 5
Douchebag factor: 0 out of 5
Testosterone: 1 out of 5

Magic Gardens
217 N.W. 4th Ave.
Noon to 2:30 a.m.
Nice little hole-in-the-wall nestled in China Town. Can be a bit cramped at times. There is no cover charge but there is a one-drink purchase requirement. Kind of feels like the dive-bar version of Cheers.
Atmosphere: Bar flies, real laid back
Cover: None
$: Average
Food: Bar food, great fries
Creepy guy factor: 3 out of 5
Douchebag factor: 1 out of 5
Testosterone: 1 out of 5

Mary’s Club
129 S.W. Broadway
11a.m. to 2:30 a.m.
Mary’s Club is a big piece of Portland’s history and its first topless bar. Rock star Courtney Love danced here and patrons can see her autograph and photo on the wall to prove it. The dancers are in control of the music as they use their own dollars to feed the jukebox on stage for their performances. All in all, this place should be included on any barhopping night out.
Atmosphere: Historic, sordid and lov’n it!
Cover: Fridays and Saturdays
$: Cheap
Food: Bar and Mexican
Creepy guy factor: 4 out of 5
Douchebag factor: 1 out of 5
Testosterone: 2 out of 5

The Silverado
318 S.W. Third Ave.
9 a.m. to 2:30 a.m.
Serving Portland’s gay community, Silverado provides two stages with multiple male strippers doing their thang. Ladies are welcome as well, though I didn’t see any during my visit. All in all, fun times while making some (OK, me!) feel anatomically inadequate.
Atmosphere: Snap!
Cover: None
$: Average
Food: Bar food
Creepy guy factor: 2 out of 5
Douchebag factor: 0 out of 5
Testosterone: 5 (but ladies need not be afraid)

Spyce Gentlemen’s Club
Corner of Northwest Second Ave. and Couch St.
3 p.m. to 2:30 a.m.
Dress up a bit if you’re heading down to Spyce or you’ll feel like an ass. Spyce is perhaps one of Portland’s nicest strip clubs (it is a “gentleman’s club” after all). Steak and lobster dinners are on the menu, hell, even the burgers are fancy. It can be a bit dark, so get up close and get multiple drinks ’cause the wait time for the bar can run long.
Atmosphere: Swanky
Cover: After 9 p.m. Wednesdays through Saturdays
$: Spendy
Food: Upscale and fancy
Creepy guy factor: 0 out of 5
Douchebag factor: 2.5 out of 5
Testosterone: 3 out of 5

Union Jacks
938 S.E. Burnside
2:30 p.m.—2:30 a.m.
Just over the river on Burnside stands Union Jacks with its oh-so-comfortable chairs. It has the tallest pole I have ever seen on a stage, and the dancers use every inch of it. Good lighting with plenty of blacklights to make you wonder what the hell is on your shirt.
Atmosphere: Laid back, casual
Cover: Yes
$: Average
Food: Bar food
Creepy guy factor: 2 out of 5
Douchebag factor: 2 out of 5
Testosterone: 2 out of 5