Dear Carmen,
My mom has been really cranky lately and blames any problems or mistakes on everyone else. Has she gone crazy, or is it just menopause?
Manic Or Menopausal?
MOM,
It is very possible that your mother is going through menopause. It usually occurs between the ages of 45 and 55, and the term “menopause” refers to what happens after a woman stops menstruating. All kinds of problems can arise from this natural process, such as hot flashes, depression, fatigue, etc. The symptom you are referring to is the mood swing side of it all. Luckily, only about 2 percent of women are affected by these symptoms enough to encroach upon daily life, but unfortunately, your mother may be part of that minority.
You could talk to her about this, and either ask her straight out whether or not she is going through menopause, or slyly work a conversation into the subject. How you do it really depends on the kind of relationship you have with her, and how open the two of you are about these sorts of things. You can even do your own research on the subject. I suggest looking at www.webmd.com, which has an informative site on menopause. Just remember, be compassionate about this when talking to her. Try to be as sympathetic as possible. It’s hard to come to terms with getting older and leaving behind your childbearing years.
Dear Carmen,
I am dating two different guys right now. I have no idea if there are any steadfast rules about seeing multiple people and how much information to give out. Should I tell them about each other, or is it better if they just don’t know?
Desperately Avoiding Onanism
DAO,
How long have you been seeing these guys? There really aren’t any steadfast rules about this sort of thing, but let’s lay down some general guidelines.
If these are fairly new relationships, there is no need to tell them about each other. It is your business how many people you date and no one else’s. With the slim chance that you will end up liking both guys the exact same amount and be unable to choose one over the other, you can be almost positive that the lesser candidates for your affection will be weeded out over time.
If you have been seeing one of these guys longer than the other, then I assume you have not decided to become exclusive. If so, that is just plain mean to date others behind your main squeeze’s back! And, technically, it is cheating. Yes, you are allowed to hang out with male friends and the like while dating someone, but you must keep in mind that, as soon as these outings become too date-like to be distinguished from actual dates, they are breaking that exclusivity your beau enjoys.
If you have been dating both of them for an extended amount of time (over two months, I would say), then they probably have an idea that you are seeing other people. A tidbit to remember: If you are dating other people, chances are that they are as well. There is no jealousy allowed on your part if you expect there to be no jealousy on their part.
And finally, all this is null and void if you are being intimate with both of them. Not just sex, this includes fellatio and cunnilingus, and pretty much anything having to do with the genitals at all. With all the diseases out there, (and so many undetectable to the naked eye), it is absolutely inexcusable to be anything but extremely safe with both these guys. This does not mean that you can use a condom with one and not the other, because things as unpleasant as the human papillomavirus (HPV) and other sexually transmitted diseases can be exchanged even with condoms on. If you are sharing your body with both these guys, they should be told that there is someone else, but not in the moment! Tell them before you get intimate so they can make a decision with a sound mind, far separate from the passion you surely induce. And there is no getting angry if they refuse to jump between the sheets with you as long as you are seeing someone else. They have a right to know what they are exposing their bodies to, and you have an obligation to tell them.
Dear Carmen, I have a great bachelor pad, but one thing is missing: a couch. I can’t decide which is better for making out, an upholstered couch or a leather couch. What do you think?
Guy In for Real Lip Service
GIRLS,
If the money is no problem, then I would definitely go with leather. It will be much easier to avoid the evils of rug burn on your/her bum. Those cheap, scratchy couches are often too rough to be enjoyable. But if spending a fortune on leather would kill your mood (as well as the obvious stain problems that could result), then I suggest investing in a couch made of classy (not cheesy-looking) velour or a really soft, gentle fabric. And just remember, it’s not always about the place, but the technique.
Want to know what Carmen thinks you should do? Write to her at carmen@vg.pdx.edu or P.O. Box 347, Portland, OR 97207-0347.