Oooh, you sweet transvestite!

Rocky Horror Picture Show
Clinton Street Theater
2522 S.E. Clinton, 503-224-2038
Every Saturday
Midnight
$5 students
$6 general ad.
All ages
www.rockypdx.org
I want Tim Curry’s legs. Really. They are long, slender and strong. But unless Doctor Frank-N-Furter himself finds a way to exchange body parts with me, I will have to settle for watching the ultimate cult classic: “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” (while wearing the appropriate shade of shiny MAC lipstick).

For those of you who have not seen this film, climb out from the rock you’ve been living under and read on.

Chaste Janet Weiss (Susan Sarandon, way too famous to even mention former films) and slightly-more-normal-than-nerdy Brad Majors (Barry Bostwick, now the mayor on the TV series “Spin City”) are in love. At a friend’s wedding, he proposes, she accepts, and song and dance ensue. Leaving the festivities, a blown tire forces them to hike back to the castle they passed (in the pouring rain, or course). Arriving there soaked, they are greeted by ubercreepy Riff Raff (Richard O’Brien, author of the play the movie is based upon). He invites them in, scares them more by somehow dancing while still hobbling around with his humped back.

After Janet and Brad have been disturbed beyond belief, in comes scantily clad Doctor Frank-N-Furter, Frank for short. Played by Tim Curry (come on, you know who he is!), Frank is a bombshell in a black bustier, bikini-cut underwear and stockings held up amazingly well by a garter belt.

His outfit will either make you want to look away or head straight to downtown sex shop, Spartacus. Strut Frank, strut. Dancing and singing ensues again, and Janet, with a weak feminine constitution, faints. Surprise, surprise.

Along comes Rocky (unknown Peter Hinwood), the pet project of Frank. He is a real “man” with muscles and a tan. A lot of muscles. After Rocky is introduced, chaos erupts in the movie. Sex, makeup, and more sex and makeup constitute the majority of the film’s remainder. There are nice breaks here and there for the death of Eddie (Meatloaf, no less) and more songs.

If you want to avoid ruining the ending, skip to the next paragraph … now, otherwise, be in the know (along with so many others).

In brief: Frank turns everyone to stone. Once back to human, everyone has been assimilated into Frank’s immoral life via wardrobe, makeup and attitude. They swim and make out with each other, Frank is zapped by incestuous Transylvanians, Rocky is sad and then falls from a great height, Brad and the weird man in the wheelchair escape into the foggy night. Fin.

(Somewhere along the way, well, many times along the way, Janet loses her chaste status and lives to sing about it.)

You can see all of this, plus a group of people acting it out every Saturday at midnight at the Clinton Street Theater. This film, directed by Jim Sharman, came out in 1975 and was ignored. Years later, it gained a cult following of people that went to see the movie dressed as characters from it. The movie gained a whole script of “shout-outs,” lines to yell while the movie is playing. These range from referring to Janet only as “slut” and Brad as “asshole.” To compliment this rowdy audience is a cast of people that act out the movie as it plays. At the Clinton Street Theater, these fans, more than 20 of them, belong to the Cabaret.

Opening night for the Cabaret is Feb. 1. Also featured is the pre-show. Sometimes just an improvisational song or dance by a willing audience member, this can also be a rehearsed routine. Last Saturday night, the pre-show was livened up by a young man singing “Born To Be Wild.” The 30- to 40-person audience on this rehearsal night (less than half of the usual crowd on show nights, the first and third Saturdays of each month), is filled with groups of friends and regulars. Halfway through the song, they were singing along and clapping wildly. These are the kids you made fun of in high school – but here, they are in their element, unselfconsciously yelling and running around maniacally.

The favorite for many fans of the pre-show is the great virgin de-flowerment ceremony. At this particular show, all the people that either have never seen Rocky Horror at this theater or have not gone in six months must be “de-virginized.”

The host begins by having three girls compete at a fake orgasm contest. The only rules are as follows: It must be fake, and the girls are not allowed to use the terms “Oh God” or “Oh baby.” Then follows the “slut pose” contest. Next, some of the male virgins must stand facing away from the audience, bend over and grab their ankles while the audience yells at them. Now, the stage almost empty, it’s time for three more girls to be auctioned off to the lowest bidder. Someone yells, “Why does jailbait always look so good?” This is a common response in this atmosphere. They are auctioned off to people for ideas like “a special deluxe copy of ‘Dude, Where’s My Car'” and other unworthy items. The last two people, a couple, are married by the “Reverend” host by the power invested in him from the “Church of Rocky Horror.”

As the movie begins and progresses, the cast acts out each scene, led by Cabaret director Taurra Spencer. She has only been going to these shows for one year, unlike most people there, regulars for years. If you go, you will find a loud, enthusiastic audience to compliment the craziness of the film. So go see the orgies on stage and the actor playing Rocky himself constantly running around the theater in gold bikini underwear. If only we all had that kind of body confidence.