Places to find freaks to get it on with / Places to get your freak on

Before I begin I’d like to make a disclaimer: people like to screw in public. Public sex will be discussed in this article. Neither myself nor the Vanguard condone soliciting nor performing public sex. The Oregon Bar Association states on its web site that, “Asking someone in a public place to engage in sexual activities in private is not a crime, but having sex in a public place, such as a restroom or park, is illegal. Asking someone to engage in public sexual activities is also illegal.”


Step 1: Decide what you are in the market for

Most people identify with a primary sexual orientation that they tend to stick to, unless they drink too much booze. Hell, even if you are going to the store for some apples, it can’t hurt to see if they have any good peaches. Welcome to one-stop freak shopping. These days the best place for people with more motivation than inhibition to find like-minded people is the internet. Craigslist (, the free classified site, has a category for just about any preference and is watched by people interested in just about any kink. Do you get turned on by re-enacting scenes from “The Princess Diaries?” I’d try Craigslist first. OkCupid ( is also fairly amenable to comparison shopping, although you might run into more relationship-minded people and that is a whole different article.

Straight folks looking for a naked, fun time are probably going to be best off with something like Adult Friend Finder ( while queer individuals generally populate ( or Planet Out ( All of these sites require payment for communication with your intended target partner.

If you like to view the goods before checkout, physical reality is probably better for you than virtual reality. Portland is stuffed full of meat market bars. I’d recommend finding one near your house for three reasons:

1. It is much easier and faster to stumble home than wait for a cab.
2. You are less likely to make an asshole out of yourself in front of people who see you often.
3. It makes it easier for repeat “customers” to find you.

As surprising as it may seem, hooking up in gay bars is a little more rare. Gay men looking for a warm place to hide for a while are advised to check out the many porn arcades strewn about our fair city.

People who don’t feel like advertising on the internet or dancing in public also have options. These generally require a little more planning, so don’t count on them to provide you with a partner for tonight. Some activist groups can be a great place to find libertines. Some people report success in coffee shops but I find sweaty semi-tweaking to be a definite turnoff. There is also a chance to hook up in your classes, but I would wait until close to the end of the term, that way if there is any embarrassment to be had, it won’t screw up your grades. Depending on your faith practices, a religious service might be a good place for a hookup, especially neo-pagan groups, although most frown on playing “hide the bishop” in church.

Step 2: Find a place to get it on

Portland is also crammed to the rim with places to have sex. Curiously, there seem to be very few places for a person to have fun with guys and/or gals. There seem to be no establishments that cater solely to the gender equitable freak. Some of the local community groups (most notably the Portland Leather Alliance) will hold events where the gender of the penetrator/penetrated isn’t tightly regulated, but you will want to look at the information on that event for details.

Things are a little easier for the gender-identified sexual orientations. Gay men have at least two bathhouses, Club Portland and Steam. Club Portland is recommended for people looking for a “grittier” experience, more reminiscent of how your grandfather’s gay brothers had fun back in the day. Steam is more modern and cleaner, in general. Either location is good for a real man’s man to get it on, with an audience or privately. Gay women seem to have tons of options, including a group for women 35 and younger, “Friends and Lovers,” and several other organizations, including PDX Badgirl and Lu Lu’s Pervy Playhouse. None of these seem to be the traditional brick and mortar style sex club, however.

Single straight men are pretty much left in the cold by the heterosexual “swingers'” clubs, which either require guys to pay twice the already hefty fees to get in unaccompanied or are barred from entry completely, depending on the night and event. I know of two establishments here in Portland, The Ace of Hearts and Club Eden. Both of these organizations have web sites. I am of the opinion that any business that doesn’t want my money can’t have it and, being a single male, that includes both of these establishments.

People looking for (illegal) sex in the outdoors, with an audience, are best directed to Washington Park and the naked beach on Sauvie island. Please bear in mind that you are most likely to see gay men having sex in these locations, so you might want to avoid them if that bothers you. The other outdoor sex area of note is Rooster Rock. I have only ever heard of gay men having sex there, so heterosexuals are advised to stick to the first two options, or to find a nice private clearing in the woods. Just be sure to follow the outdoor sex guidelines and you’ll be OK:

1. Hang out or make out in any new place for a little bit first to make sure it is private.
2. Never wear anything (shoes, bra, underwear, etc.) that you can’t get dirty / muddy.
3. Don’t wear bright colors if there is a chance that you might be spotted.
4. Never go near an anthill when you are naked.

I am perfectly sure that you can manage to find a place for private indoor sex with very little effort. Northeast Sandy Boulevard is littered with “no-tell motels.” Heck, your own place of residence is even an option. Probably the best all-in-one package is at the Jupiter Hotel. The hotel is so well designed that it has been featured in Conde Nast, but don’t think you can’t afford it. The room rate drops to $59 plus tax after midnight. The neighboring Doug Fir lounge is definitely a major meat market, so you have a nice set up with very little money and very little effort.

However and whomever you screw, please remember to play safe. The only thing better than good sex right now is looking forward to a lifetime of good sex.

Note: no illegal outdoor sex was had while researching this article. It’s freaking January, man.