An 18-year-old Jillian Lauren had gone from being an NYU theater school student, to NYU theater student dropout, to being paid by Prince Jefri Bolkiah of the Brunei royal family to live in his harem. Now, the author shares her story from what she thought was an “audition” to living with a group of women all dating the same man.
In Some Girls: My Life in a Harem, the courageous author opens up to the public about the choices that guided her young life, and how she wants other women to feel they can do the same.
“I want to encourage women to tell their stories—to value their own stories—and to let go of the shame that [in society] we’re supposed to have about those experiences that are less acceptable,” Lauren said.
Lauren hopes to invite women into a dialogue among other women about sexuality, and how they feel about their bodies. The author wants women to see her story as one example.
“I really realized that without that essential piece of self love and self respect, things are bound to go awry,” Lauren said. “It had potential to get dangerous for me. My great challenge in life has been to learn how to love myself.”
Lauren, who was initially hired for two weeks to attend and “spice” up the Prince’s parties—didn’t realize at first that she was in a harem. She quickly realized that she was doing something different than what she had signed up for.
“My stay kept getting extended as my relationship grew with the Prince,” Lauren said. “I was there for six months, then I came back, and then I went for six more months.”
The author shares details about her relationship with the Prince—one that would frequently change from personal to business.
“Sometimes I felt like he was my employer,” Lauren said. “And sometimes I felt like he was my boyfriend. It really varied over the time I was there.”
So what was it like living in a harem with other women who were dating the same man as you? Lauren answers the question that a lot of people wonder about having a polygamous relationship—in this case, polygyny—or one man having more than one wife.
“It was sort of like a parallel universe sorority house,” Lauren said. “I had a close relationship with some women, and with others it was very competitive and volatile.”
Lauren explains that it certainly wasn’t always a big party, and drama was bound to happen.
“We were women in this environment with very little else going on except for trying to get this one man’s attention. It wasn’t always pretty,” Lauren said.
Even with some of the negative reactions Lauren has gotten from sharing her experience, the author said she doesn’t regret her past.
“I wouldn’t go back and change it because I wouldn’t want to change anything in my life—it has made me everything I am,” Lauren said.
However, she admits that she didn’t make the best choice for herself when she agreed to participate.
“It saddens me sometimes, however, that I wasn’t able to make more loving choices for myself,” Lauren said.
Lauren has been grateful for all the positive responses she has gotten from sharing her story, despite some of the negative reactions that she has gotten, too.
“I have gotten enthusiastic responses from women from all walks of life, and that has been so wonderful,” Lauren said. “But there certainly has been the other side too—for some reason I have heard the anger of [members] of the white power movement which was really kind of strange, and has made me feel like I’ve been doing something right.”