Like libraries, hospitals and bookstores, adult shops have their own rules of etiquette. Abide by them, and you will be treated with respect. Violate them, and you will be treated like an asshole holding a fake penis.
Be quiet. Just because you’re not embarrassed doesn’t mean that no one else is. Every person walking around in a porn shop is a potential customer, and there’s always a chance that your brash, unseemly behavior will scare him or her away. Plus, everyone knows you’re just posturing. Fake penises humble everyone, no matter who you are.
Don’t shop drunk. This sounds weird, but because porn stores are open well past bar hours, people will often pick up potential mates from the bar and bring them to the porn store for some accessories. Do not overestimate what you can handle. If you’re drunk and with a would-be lover, don’t let that person talk you into something that will get you hurt. Be safe. Always be safe.
Don’t point and laugh at everything. It’s embarrassing for you and whomever you’re with. Plus, you look like a douche, and it indirectly makes the clerk feel like an asshole for even working there in the first place. A word of advice: Sane people do not talk to themselves, so if you’re pointing and laughing, then you’re with someone. And if you can’t conduct yourself in a mature manner when you’re with that person, it just screams nervousness, and you’re not doing anyone any favors.
Don’t ask the porn clerk for funny stories. Chances are that the person working doesn’t want to respond on command to your requests. The stories are a bonus for the friends of the clerk. You’re not one of them. In fact, if you keep this up, you will become the story.
Respect everyone’s space. Just because a woman is walking around carrying a dildo does not mean she wants to have sex with you or follow you back into one of the booths. Keep it to yourself. You may be aroused by the aroma of possible sex that invariably hangs in the air, but not everyone feels the same way. And even if they are, the other person may not want to talk to you about it.
Buy your stuff and get out. Don’t spend a bunch of time chatting with the clerk about God-knows-what. Chatting with someone that sells butt plugs and lube for a living is a privilege you must earn.
Don’t even think about trying to return anything except movies. You will be promptly laughed out of the place and forever known as the man or woman that tried and failed to return a rubber fist.
Keep genetic material to yourself. If you rent videos, make sure that the contents are free of fluids and hair when you return them. It’s just good manners.