That’s it—I’m giving up. For some time now, I have remained optimistic that somewhere between the amber waves of grain and purple mountains, between California and the New York island, between the Redwood Forest and the Gulf Stream waters, existed at least two brains cells left to rub together and prove that some form of intelligence is possible in this society. But I have lost all hope, been broken down, my morale destroyed. Why? Because I have seen “Two and a Half Men.”
For years, all my friends have been telling me that the show isn’t so bad, that the commercials aren’t a decent representation or that I can just enjoy it for what it is. And for years, I kept saying I would eventually give it a try. Well, I did, and you know what? My friends are morons. It is a sad realization to come to.
The dumbing-down of America has been a phrase thrown around as a means of describing the process of American society collectively losing intelligence. Many have said that television was a step in this direction. Others have argued that it was the invention of the pet rock, or even Kid Rock. All theories are correct in their own way.
Over time, television has evolved from a tool of mass communication to FOX News. The pet rock made some jackass in California a millionaire by selling to people what they already had in their own backyards. And Kid Rock…well, come on, that one is self-explanatory. Every time a Kid Rock song comes on, even in the background, I have to leave the room as I can physically feel myself becoming less intelligent. One time, while sitting in the backseat of an acquaintance’s car, he played Kid Rock and I had no choice but to suffer through it. By the time the car ride was over, I was using the term “bro” and thought Uggs were remotely attractive as footwear. Thankfully, that sensation subsided. But I digress.
While we can follow a number of signs over the years that indicate something is intellectually wrong with us, none shows greater proof than “Two and a Half Men.” This show is, by far, the most insulting program I have ever witnessed. Not insulting on a personal level, but rather insulting that it has been on the air for so long and people keep watching it. For seven seasons, this show has been beaming into the homes of America and beyond, and no one has picked up on how bad it is? To make matters even worse, it has been signed on for another two seasons yet to come.
The show basically follows a recently divorced man who, along with his son, moves in with his alcoholic and obnoxiously horny brother. Thus we have two—and a half—men. What could go wrong? Well, everything goes wrong, of course, and it’s been going wrong for over seven years.
To make matters worse, CBS must be making tons of money off the show because they are bathing the cast in cash. Angus T. Jones, the actor who plays the half-man, er, kid, is now the highest-paid kid in television history, making $300,000 per episode. It has been reported that Charlie Sheen, one of the “men,” is pulling in over $1.8 million per episode.
Really, America? I thought we were hitting new lows with “the Girls Next Door” and Justin Bieber. But I had no idea that an all-time low had already been established. ?