To all of those who can find confusion as their only emotion towards the whole Sept. 11 thing, I would like to personally shed a little understanding to your life.
I think the first thing that I would like to address is this ongoing disagreement with what to call the people who did it.
Are they terrorists? Or are they alleged hijackers?
The men that caused this (clear throat) “terror” are not alleged hijackers. What they did to this country was an act of “terror”ism. My hypothesis: they are terrorists.
Alright, on to the second question.
Why did these men, excuse me, why did these “terror”ists do this “terror”ist act of “terror?” After watching a lot of CNN, I have heard a lot of different reports about a lot of different things, and I know some things for certain.
Michael Jordan is coming back to the NBA again. Um … Barry Bonds hit the baseball really, really (really) hard. Um … you know Jason Alexander from Seinfeld? Well he is back, too, in one of the worst shows in television history. I feel bad for the guy, I love Seinfeld and I love KFC, he is involved with both so I don’t know how he still screwed up.
Hey Jason, take a lesson from Jordan and quit while you are ahead. Oh wait … never mind. Let me rephrase that … winners never quit. Oh, wait that does not work, either.
Osama Bin Laden, the commander in chief, so to speak, for the fanatics, is their leader. Kinda like Georgie Bush is for us. Now, from what I have put together, Osama basically promised each of the “terror”ists that if they did this act of “terror” they could go to heaven and get 40-some-odd virgins. I guess this is some sort of benefit for these men. But here is what I do not understand.
If death for your beliefs and your God is such a great thing, then why oh why is Osama still alive? If Osama believes that this is all true, then he should be doing these “terror”ist attacks himself. But the thing is, Osama is still alive. He knows that the 40 virgin thing is not true or else he would be dead, too. I can picture Osama sitting in his underground lair, kind of like the Ninja Turtles’ lair, watching VH1 and thinking, “Ha Ha, Suckers.”
Then there is the “U.S. Strikes Back” item to discuss. We launched some big ol’ missiles at Afghanistan and we blew up some really neat airports. I guess blowing more things up is our first step in our anti-terrorist game plan. He shoots he scores! But here is the finale: we … will… win.
OK, to un-confuse one more item, The government keeps telling us to go back to our normal lives. But hold the presses, I do not remember us declaring war everyday in the past. I do not remember George W. Bush demanding the Taliban to give up Osama in the past. And I certainly do not remember having to live my life in fear of some terrorist attack. So let me get this straight, ahem,I have to get back to my normal life while the rest of the world doesn’t?
How does that work?
I got an idea, how about every member of Congress go shopping in New York, buy a zillion stocks and ride in planes across the country and back. You want us to lead normal lives? Then why don’t you start doing what you keep telling all of us to do.And thus ends confusion 101. Class dismissed.