Rock ‘n’ Roll giblets: a very special music haps

Ah, the holidays. That magical time of year when you rely on getting shitty to crutch you through painful visits with your extended family, having to sneak off to cop a quick cig only to be caught and lectured by some cloying relative. Sounds like loads of fun, eh? While you may be suffering, keep in mind that there really are some things in life that you can give thanks for, such as cigarettes and your first real meal since last Thanksgiving. And, if you’re a lover of music (which I imagine you must be), there are a few giblets of exciting news that you can also be thankful for, here to help you suffer through the holidays.

If you’re a member of Gang of Four, be thankful that you’ve got a job now. Your seminal (that word – so overused, but there really are no synonyms, are there?) art-punk band is reuniting, to press and fan accolades worldwide. is reporting that the aging legends will be following the "reunion trend" this year and playing some shows in England this coming January. The best part? All four of the band’s founding members are involved. Will they be coming stateside? No one knows except the Gang of Four themselves. But since a whole batch of U.S bands have been citing them as influences (and ripping them off) lately (namely the Rapture and Futureheads), hopefully the oldsters decide to make a trip over the pond and show these kids how it’s done.

Beloved twee-pop shills Death Cab for Cutie have signed to the big-time major Atlantic Records. With their Seattle indie Barsuk Records being unable to meet the full demand of the audience of the insipid television program "The O.C," which prominently features Death Cab’s music, the band decided to move to greener pastures. The band’s breakout success this past year, partially due to the attention "The O.C." has garnered them, has sent their shitty album Transatlanticism deep into the mainstream.

They’ve also been busy destroying whatever else is left of their credibility by touring with Blink 182 and selling out Ben Gibbard’s side project The Postal Service to the USPS, so this move comes as no surprise. Maybe in 20 years, all this will cause them to be remembered as the horrible, horrible pop whiners they are. They’re to this generation what Nine Inch Nails was to mine: something to listen to in your room alone, while you think yourself into depression over people’s inability to understand you. At least Trent Reznor knew how to rock it sometimes, and it seemed like you could maybe hang out with him if he went to your school.

Ha! That funny old Paul McCartney! He said "fuck" to the press! I bet he’s glad he doesn’t live in this country, or he’d be paying fines out his shriveled old wazoo. While playing bass for the upcoming Band Aid 20 single cover of "Do They Know It’s Christmas," the aging ex-Beatle treated NME to a burst of golden-years anger. Apparently, Paul had been pressured by tabloids to shoulder some singing duties on the surely horrible new track, and he didn’t take too kindly to the friendly advice.

"And then the national, wonderful press got into ‘Why aren’t you singing?’ ‘Oh, he’s too old!’ and did all that shit." McCartney said. "I was like ‘Oh, fuck off!’ So I’ve just done what my producer asked me to do, he’s producing it."

After spending so much energy on his rebuttal and the time-consuming recording process, the elderly gent reportedly collapsed on the floor in exhaustion, shouting "Enough! No More! Finish!"

Thom Yorke, George Martin, Nigel Godrich and others involved in the project could only look on in horror as the aging musician struggled to right himself with the help of his custom left-handed Beatle bass/walker.