The Grammar Grouch: The Grouch graduates

I’ve spent several months trashing Portland State students as clown-college attendees—oh, those Bozos. It’s been enjoyable blending insults with grammatical instruction but like everything else, this column must come to an end.

I’ve written about the correct usage of punctuation marks and the appropriate transition of the spoken word to the page. However, through it all, I must confess I love the Bozos. I wrote this column as though most of you aren’t able to walk and chew gum simultaneously, all while knowing our campus is mostly populated with punctuation-literate, grammar-savvy students.

English isn’t the first language for many students, and yet several international groups and clubs post notices of events, classes and even old textbook sales written in perfect English. From kids fresh out of high school to elder students attending their first course in 30 years, much of the student population here is capable of top-notch spelling, punctuation and grammar.

I have a last lesson for the Bozos about to graduate who are still insecure in their writing abilities: persevere. You’d probably learn better from someone who doesn’t make sardonic comments at every turn (like me), but the real trick to great grammar, punctuation and writing in general is to remember that it’s a process. There is always going to be some way to improve your skill with the craft. If some pompous ass insults you without being facetious—and I certainly hope you’ve taken my column to be facetious when I was snide or condescending—just remember that they’re grammar bullies preying on your insecurities as a way to hide their own.
 
It’s been a fun, challenging ride to graduation, and I am proud to call myself a member of the graduating class of 2010 Portland State Clown College Bozos. Now, go find yourself some real world to thrive in! Huzzah!