The Internet is ruining our lives, and we love it

I love the Internet. In fact, it could quite easily be argued that I love the Internet too much. It isn’t uncommon for me to spend several hours every day in front of my computer “surfing the web,” as we used to call it. I often catch myself daydreaming about what an accomplished and successful student I could be, if not for that pesky Internet foiling my plans to study and work hard. While there are many websites contributing to the utter embarrassment that is my academic career, if I had to single out the main culprit, it would be the meme.

Now, if one runs a Google or Wiki search for “meme,” they are sure to find some long and complicated overview that examines the concept of the meme from historical, philosophical, economic and even religious perspectives. Hopefully no one reading this cares about any of that, because I’m not going to bother getting into any of it. When I say “memes” what I’m referring to are hilarious (or in some cases simply disturbing) Internet sensations that prevent me from being a productive member of society. (They also serve as constant source of inside jokes between my friends and myself. Aren’t we cool?) So please, no hate mail about how I’m confusing memes with viral videos, remixes, etc.

Having clarified those points, here are some of the hottest new memes on the Internet right now.

“Nu Thang” cover video

There will be no way to not offend anyone while reviewing this one, but let me try to smooth this over as much as possible anyway. I’m a Christian myself and I think it is very admirable to create music as a form of praise. Having said that, when Christian music is as awful and as ridiculous “Nu Thang,” even I have to shudder and say to myself, “Oh boy, I hope no atheists are watching this.”

The original “Nu Thang” is a 1990 rap song by the Christian group DC Talk. As far as Christian music goes, it’s pretty enjoyable. Not bad at all. However, this version isn’t what’s blowing up the Internet these days—instead, a cover version recorded in 1992 has surfaced. The cover is performed by a 10-year-old boy wearing baggy Zubaz pants and a purple “Jesus is Lord” T-shirt (oddly enough, his hairstyle looks like it’s straight out of “Leave It to Beaver”). Throughout the video, the boy half-ass breakdances in front of some balloons, acts as his own hype man and back-up singer, and engages in a lot of hilarious falsetto.

The Situation Room

During the recent Osama bin Laden mission, a tense photo was taken of all the White House, military and intelligence higher-ups gathered in the White House situation room as they were receiving updates regarding the mission. After a Hasidic newspaper removed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton from the photo in order to comply with their own editorial policy, the Internet decided to have some Photoshop fun of their own with the image. While there are too many variations to get into here, some of my favorites include an edit with Joe Biden sleeping, one with the walls covered in Jersey Shore memorabilia, and one with President Obama holding a Playstation controller. Hillary, I’m sorry that you were erased from such a historic moment, but know that it wasn’t completely in vain.

Rule 34

This one isn’t exactly “new,” but it is ever-expanding. Rule 34 is an empirical law of the Internet, which states: “If it exists, there is porn of it [on the internet].” At first, it sounds like a rather absurd proposition. Surely there can’t be porn for everything, right? While there are indeed some exceptions, they are becoming fewer and fewer with each passing day. 90 percent of the time though, Rule 34 holds. For those who doubt just how inescapable this rule is, I recently encountered a cartoon depicting a can of Mountain Dew fornicating with a ham sandwich.

So, for any professors who may be reading this article, this is the kind of thing that your labs, assignments and readings have to compete with. It isn’t that my generation is lazy; it’s just that we’ve been corrupted by the 24/7 train wreck that is the Internet meme. God help us all. ?