10. The Lumberer: The person who takes up the whole sidewalk and walks slowly
You’re two minutes away from being late to class, the streetcar is coming up the other side of the road and you’re stuck behind someone sipping on coffee, chatting on their phone and walking SMACK in the middle of the sidewalk. You edge over to try and pass them but there’s simply not enough room. They continue to walk leisurely in front of you leaving you to only imagine what it would be like to shove them aside and run past yelling, “MOOOOOOVE!”
9. The Creeper: The person who reads your notes (or your texts, or your doodles) over your shoulder in class
You get the feeling that you’re being watched. As you sit there, you want to turn around and confront the suspicion that somebody is totally taking pictures of you and posting them online. When the break comes you sneak a peak and realize that the person sitting right behind you has been reading all of your notes. You should probably move seats because they cannot control the urge to see what you’re doing.
8. The Ron Burgundy: The person who types really loudly on their computer on the quiet floor of the library
You sit at your tree-view table on the fourth floor—the quiet floor—of the Millar Library. You are trying to get through 200 pages of assigned reading when you are disturbed by the CLICK-CLACK-CLICK-CLACK-BLICK-BLICK-CLOCK of computer keys racing at the command of the person sitting a table over. You try and block out the noise by putting on your headphones, but you can’t read and listen to music, and the headphones don’t cancel noise.
7. The Packer: The person who starts packing up five minutes before class is out
The teacher is cramming a whole concept into the last 15 minutes of class so that you can get out of class early tomorrow. You’re listening, but you’re slightly distracted by the ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPP coming from the person next to you who has started shuffling their papers, putting their pens in their backpack and zipping up their bag in slow-motion before the teacher has even finished explaining the PowerPoint.
6. The Texter: The person who asks questions that have already been answered but that they didn’t hear because they were texting
You’ve just moved on from discussing the essay that’s due next week and somebody raises their hand and asks about the due date. You have spent the last 20 minutes trying to ignore their not-so-subtle attempts to conceal their iPhone in their sweatshirt and now they are asking about something that was just explained five minutes before. Three words: Waste. Of. Time.
5. The Muncher: The person who leaves at the break and comes back late. With food. Every day.
Break has just ended, and you’re regaining focus. Ten minutes later, someone walks in the door and you’re hit with the delicious smell of a baked bagel or some cheesy concoction. The following cracking, crunching chewing sounds not only distract you from the lesson but make you hungry yourself.
4. The Kicker: The person who sits behind you and touches your chair with their feet
You’re writing notes when suddenly you feel the whole room vibrating under you. You look down and see the foot of the person behind you jiggling nonstop against your chair. You try and move forward but wherever you move, the foot comes with you. This continues all of class and you don’t retain a single thing that was taught. Depending on the type of desk you’re sitting at, you can avoid this by coming to class early and moving your entire row forward.
3. The Justifier: The person with all of the excuses
This person always has something dramatic going on in their life. They manage to get an extension on the project that you’ve known about since the beginning of the term and will email you back saying that they can’t make it to the group meeting because of a “family emergency” or something equally difficult to believe.
2. The Downtime Eliminator: The person who asks a detailed question right before class is about to get out early
Your class gets out at 2 p.m., but the teacher has just announced that you are getting out half an hour early. The things that you can do with an extra 30 minutes! Maybe watch an episode of your favorite show on Hulu? But wait, the kid in the front row raises his hand and asks about the Theory of Such-and-Such. The teacher starts in on a lively explanation that continues to take up the rest of the class period.
1. The Racer: The person who races their car in the parking garage
It’s 8:50 a.m. and you’re backing into a spot in Parking Structure Three. Suddenly, you hear the squeal of tires and behold in your mirror another car racing in a direct collision path with your car. The other car barely stops in time, and when it does, the person driving it glares at you because you’re taking too long to park. As soon as you’re backed in enough for them to pass, they speed by, rounding the blind corners like they’re in the Indy 500 until they find a spot. These are the people that almost (or do) crash into your car because they’re running five minutes behind and fail to abide by simple courteous speed laws. They are the number one most annoying people you will meet on campus.