The slow return of TV

The new Spring TV season is kicking into gear and … do you care?

With all the hype over the Writers Guild strike ending, there has been a noticeable lack of caring from the masses. You know those conversations you would overhear in the hall, class or at work about all your favorite shows? Get ready for more inane conversations–scripted television has returned, but chances are you haven’t noticed.

We were once slaves to the antennae’d master, but have since become free (except for watching the occasional reality show).

Well get ready to become a zombie again, because a massive wave of new shows will soon crash into your living room.

Here is a list of some of the biggest shows returning, and where the storylines are heading (culled from network Web sites and various media sources)���–and where they should go (courtesy of the Vanguard).

The OfficeReturning: Thursday, April 10 at 9 p.m. on NBCWhat’s next? After horribly destroying Jan’s chances at suing Dunder Mifflin, Michael Scott throws a dinner party with her. Awkward. This dinner will not be a success. Jim and Pam’s dating secret is out and we will learn how the office handles the tension. But really, do you watch The Office for its storylines? Probably not. What you want to hear are the uncomfortable moments the show has in store for us. All you need to know is that Michael, Dwight and Ryan go clubbing in New York. Dear God …Ridiculous speculation: Dwight buys a machine over eBay that lets anyone travel inside the world of television. Jim and Pam use the device to talk with old sitcom characters that also paired off and ruined their shows. They decide to do everyone a favor, travel to Land of the Lost and get eaten by a dinosaur.

LostReturning: Thursday, April 24 at 10 p.m. on ABCWhat’s next? Lost is the most tight-lipped show on television. Since characters seem to die every episode, it would be a shame for the creators to ruin future surprises. If the new mini-season is anything like its predecessors, it is likely that people will brood, remember tragedies in their past and talk about their feelings a little bit too much. Ridiculous speculation: The creators decide to more accurately portray what Lost-island life would be like. Instead of mysterious smoke monsters, hidden agendas and love triangles, most characters will sit around and discuss how hungry they are. In one episode, desperately hungry castaways eat spoiled fish and get sick. Very exciting!

30 RockReturning: Thursday, April 10 at 8:30 p.m. on NBCWhat’s next? After Jack’s pet project, “Celebrity MILF Island”, airs its finale, he is called a “Class A moron” in a tabloid by an anonymous member of his staff. Also, he continues to move up the NBC ranks as Liz Lemon deals with the success of her ex-boyfriend.Ridiculous speculation: Angry at the lack of motivation on “The TGS with Tracy Jordon” show, Jack, played by Alec Baldwin, berates the staff, telling them that “coffee is for laugh-makers,” and they need brass balls to succeed in the comedy world.

HouseReturning: Monday, April 21 at 9 p.m. on FOXWhat’s next? More of show’s standard House-knows-everything story lines. Hey writers, we get it, the dude is smart. It’s been reported that there will be a considerable lack of an ongoing story arc, due to the truncated season. More crazy cases are expected, such as an upcoming episode where House treats a man with acute niceness. Ridiculous speculation: House reveals to everyone that he is, in fact, British. They say that they knew all along that his fake American accent could never fool anyone. After a few minutes of laughing, House then tells everyone that they are worthless people and deserve to die, before hobbling away.

My Name is EarlReturning: Already premiered. Airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on NBCWhat’s next? In the spring premiere last week, Earl was stuck in a coma after being hit by a car, a nasty by-product of giving up on fulfilling his karma list. Trapped in his mind, Earl creates a sitcom existence for himself, complete with a laugh-track and lazy jokes, which we unfortunately have to watch. Sadly, the show will continue on this storyline. There is good news however, Randy, Earl’s dim-bulb brother, now has to start crossing things off the list himself. Expect hilarity. Ridiculous speculation: Earl realizes his big bushy mustache went out of style when Burt Reynolds decided to star in Cop and a Half. Trying to stay cool, he shaves it off, grows his bangs out over his face and dons some black-rimmed glasses, pleather shoes and skinny ties–casually hipster style.

Two and a Half MenReturning: Already premiered. Airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on CBSWhat’s next? Who knows …Ridiculous speculation: Who cares …