The Street Savage

Does money make the world go round? PSU students speak.

Anonymous 1

Hello.Hello.

Tell me about money. Money…well as Marx said, “Money is the whore of capitalism.” Without money people would not be so uh…so capable of manipulating other people…maybe, maybe not…

Tell me about stuff. Stuff? Gets in the way. Stuff is the biggest pain there is. Ya know, I grew up in suburbia and to this day I can’t believe people spend all their free time washing their cars and mowing their lawns. Of all the things to spend your life doing.

You have to mow your lawn. Yeah, it’s against the law to not mow your lawn, it’s probably against the law to not wash your car. I wouldn’t know, ’cause I don’t have a car.

Well, I mean people get allergies if they don’t mow…[laughs] Right.

Would you say there’s one thing that you blow money on? Well, ya know, it’s been years since I’ve bought anything new. I find it really difficult. To spend money on food is really aggravating.

Tell me about a thing you splurged on. Weed, that was a splurge, it was a good splurge. It’s the only thing I spend money on anymore if I can help it.

What’s something else you’d like to splurge on, had you the cash? I’ve always wanted to spend money on an airplane. Like one of those private jets, a Leer jet, wouldn’t it be cool to have a Leer jet?

Would you really need a Leer jet? You wouldn’t need it. You could sleep in it though. You could be homeless and live in your Leer jet. The sky would be your home.

But you’d have to have fuel. Expensive fuel. I wonder if you could have a jet that ran on biodiesel…fly a French fry…or fly a Flench fry…

There’re some children walking by, would you splurge on a child? No way! I’d rather splurge on a Leer jet than a drooling child any day. Or a new bike, I like my old bike though. I originally thought about, ya know, getting a bunch of new parts for my old bike, but I kinda like the simplicity of the older-style bicycles. No, I’d rather have a Leer jet. How ’bout a flying bicycle? Didn’t Michelangelo make drawings of a flying bicycle? Actually, it was a pedal-powered flying machine.

I’d like a pedal-powered dog. [laughs] But would it be reliable? Could you take it out on Sunday for a drive?

Uh…yes, I think you could. I think it’s time to light this cigarette that you, the interviewer, so kindly bequeathed to me at this moment of my symbolic death.

The cigarette that I wasted money on. [laughs]

Thank you. Thank you.

Anonymous 2[interview begins] About money? I don’t know, what do you think about money? [laughs]

Say what? I don’t know, I don’t think I’m a great person for this.

You seem kind of nervous, you’re like shaking. Oh no, I’m just cold.

So you’re not nervous, you’re just cold. Money relates to being cold. You gotta buy a jacket, a good jacket. Um…a burden.

How is money a burden? Um…there’s always something ya hafta…

Spend on? Yeah…uh…gosh…

What’s something you splurged on? Vacation.

I don’t know…I think money is like ah…er, well, vacation, spending money on vacation is, uh…time well spent…it’s, ah…spiritual thing. Would you say it’s a spiritual thing? Yeah, when you get pleasure on what you spend money on. When you’re spending on things that you’d rather be spending on vacation, it’s, uh…more of burden…than, uh…I’m not gonna give a very good response…

Oh, you’re doing fine. Just speak your mind, that’s all you have to do. Just like whatta you…OK…I’munna…we’ll do a word association, and I’ll, I’ll say a word and then you ah…uh…give me off the top of your head some word that you associate with that word…necessity. And I should give you a word that…

Yeah, necessity. Uhm…pffff…[giggles nervously]

OK, that was good, pffff…alright, now…Sorry…

Need. Ahm…need, that’s such a broad…

Yeah, just off the top of your head. Ah…[shakes head]…what is your article on, exactly?

Money! Just what students think about money?

Yeah! What do students think about money? What do you think about money? I think that they like to have it. When they don’t it’s frustrating.

Exactly! OK, I’ll give you another word, frustration. Uhm…bitter.

Good! OK, poor. Uhm…sad…outta curiosity, how do you put this into, uh…

Well, I just wasted $500 on CDs. That’s what I’m trying to mull over: Was it really necessary to buy $500 worth of CDs? Right, you have to weigh your pleasure you get from it outta the cost…you should feel good about it because it brings you pleasure.

I guess I’m bringing other people pleasure because I’m a radio DJ.* Exactly so, so I think it’s a good thing. It depends on the situation. If you were broke and that [wasn’t] a priority, then I wouldn’t condone it. Did you think this through? Did you think about paying rent, bills? But if you’ve given it thought and you can afford it then why else do you work but to get pleasure from what you earn?

So I shouldn’t feel guilty about buying all of Alice Cooper’s albums? If it puts you in a spot that makes you more stressed-out than you were prior to that, then…no, it wasn’t worth it.

But Alice Cooper is pretty rad! Do you have a favorite Alice Cooper song? I don’t know. I don’t really listen to him.

He does “No More Mister Nice Guy.” [I mimic A.C.] “NO MORE! MISTER NICE GUY/ HE SEEICK, HE’S OB-SEE-EEE-EEE-EEEN!” And uh…he does uh…”The Ballad of Dwight Fry.” “I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! I GOT-TUH GET OUUTA HEERRRE!” Uh, no…I saw some guy that had a tattoo that said “money makes the world go round.” That really pissed me off.

Well, no, what makes the world go round actually is that it just does, because of gravity. Gravity makes the world go round. There’s so much more that makes the world go round than money.

No, it’s gravity. That guy was wrong, it’s gravity. It’s not money, it’s gravity. Like, you don’t have to pay the earth to spin. Right.

It just does it on its own, gravity doesn’t cost anything. So don’t trip on that guy because he doesn’t think scientifically. I think love makes the world go round.

No, it’s gravity.

Anonymous 3…all you have to do is tell me about money and what it means to you. That’s a deep question, you know.

Off the top of your head. Money…I got nothing…I got absolutely nothing…

Money means nothing to you? Sure…yeah, I mean obviously it means something, I’m eating this [a Cliff bar]…

That is something that you bought with money. I mean I don’t have…I think I couldn’t really think of anything without reverting to cliches or anything…ya know?

Gimmie a cliche. Uh…money is the root of all evil.

Why is money the root of all evil? Why is that? I don’t know…I don’t necessarily take that position. Why do people think that?

Yeah, I guess so. Uh…I guess…uh…[mumbles to himself] money is the root of all evil…uh…prolley because it’s necessary like…to get things…to sus-[clears throat]…damn this Cliff bar…to sustain themselves and like…[laughs] fuck it, I don’t know. I have no idea.

Well, yeah, they need to sustain themselves, but is that necessarily evil? No, but I think like, people do that by any means necessary, ya know? But if it’s the root of all evil…

What does stuff mean to you? Stuff means everything to me.

What I’m saying is, you can buy stuff with money! What kinda stuff do you like to buy? I like to buy burritos…and I like to buy…shoes…and I like to buy…Mountain Dew…

Porno?No, it’s free on the internet. Why would you buy that?

*Please listen to my radio show, The Sweet And Sour Savage Hour, so I won’t feel guilty about spending all that money. It’s on Saturdays from 10 p.m. to midnight. And if you’re out doing stuff, you can always listen to it streaming at kpsu.org. I love you.