The Street Savage

Are you still asleep or are we conversing? I am your morning waking nightmare!

Are you still asleep or are we conversing? I am your morning waking nightmare!

Anonymous 1

Can I interview you for the Portland State Vanguard? How long will it take?

Ah, like two minutes or something. Uh, sure.

[uncomfortable silence] Top of the morning to you. Yeah…uh, I’ve got class in like 15 minutes.

[uncomfortable silence] You said you wanted to interview me, right?

Oh…oh…oh…right…so it’s morning, right? Yeah.

What did you say you were doing? Relaxing before I have to go to the class.

Oh, and then you said like…something about like how you do that often…er whatever? Yeah, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Kick back. Yeah, the bus gets here a little early.

[uncomfortable silence] When does your class start? About 10:15.

[uncomfortable silence] When 10:15 rolls around you gotta go…to class…[uncomfortable silence] [mumbles] Yup.

[uncomfortable silence] What class? Yeah, it’s uh…Political Science 417, interest groups, it’s the first 400-level class I’ve taken but, I like it.

[uncomfortable silence] Does it wake you up? Yeah, yeah, I have to take a bunch of notes during his lecture. He’s a good lecturer but it’s a lot to take in one day.

[uncomfortable silence] It’s a beautiful morning…[silence]…a morning to relax…Definitely.

I don’t feel uncomfortable, do you? Feeyeel…uncomfortable? Oh yeah, I feel pretty good. Yeah, it’s not often you can come out here and wear a T-shirt.

Especially if it’s a sexy T-shirt. Yeah, not very often you can do that.

[uncomfortable silence] Just a nice relaxing morning…[silence]…Are you a sports fan? Yeah, yeah, I’m a sports fan.

Who’s gonna win? Uh…MLB, NBA finals? Can you be more specific?

No. Well, this is like a black hole for me right now, because I like college football and basketball, and and that’s all…

I don’t wanna…no…I don’t wanna listen…that’s boring…

Anonymous 2

Can I interview you for the Portland State Vanguard? Will it take long?

Only like two minutes. OK, sure.

Do you have a cigarette? No.

[uncomfortable silence] Uh…[uncomfortable silence]…What are you doing? Homework.

Do you usually do that? Uh huh…I’m in school.

Well, you’re not “in school” per se…Not at the moment, no.

I mean this is city property…[uncomfortable silence]…it’s public property…Is this the interview? Because I really need to do this work before I go to class.

Go ahead…[uncomfortable silence]…what is it? French.

Ah…La litterature franCais, non?…[uncomfortable silence]…Qu’est que c’est? [uncomfortable silence] Ah, I’m gonna go.

A toute a l’heure!

Anonymous 3

Top of the morning to you. How’s it going?

[uncomfortable silence] How’s your morning going? Uh, slow.

Like molasses? Not that slow.

Gimmie a metaphor. Uhm, you know, before you get coffee in the morning but I got my coffee and it’s still that slow…just, ya know…

Did you put molasses in your coffee? No.

Why not? I don’t know. I haven’t tried that one.

Neither have I. Do you put syrup in your coffee? Nah, jus’ cream. Half-and-half.

Half of what? Half-and-half cream.

[uncomfortable silence] I like that. Yeah, a lot of people do.

It’s good stuff…[uncomfortable silence]…Top of the morning to you. Morning to you.

Yeah, there’s a morning coming to me. Yeah?

Well it’s…it already came to me. Yeah…’tsa good one er…?

Ya know…kinda slow…Nyeah…

[uncomfortable silence]…like molasses…[mumbles] Enkay…Drink coffee?

I had a white chocolate mocha. Oh…how many shots?

I dunt remember. Hmm.

Thank you. Yeah! Take care.

Anonymous 4

Top of the morning to you. Uh…how you doing?

[uncomfortable silence] [starts laughing]

I said top of the morning to you. [silly Irish voice] Top of the morning to you then!

[uncomfortable silence] Thank you. Is that the correct response?

I think so. Oh…I don’t know…[laughs]…I’m not awake here.

I guess well…do you…I don’t know if that’s the correct response…[uncomfortable silence] Whatever…I don’t know…Ich weiss nicht. Ich bin muede!Es tut mir leid! Oh yeah, we had uh…

In the morning. No…no…no…Stephen Fuller did a presentation on German art…

In the morning? I was taken aback at first…

In the morning? Yeah, it was, it was in the morning?

Did he…did he say “guten morgen“?I think he said something about “Meine Damen und Herren“…I was taken aback his like…when he was talking about rebirth…it was like [mimics baby being born while making baby noise]…that’s how he mimed rebirth…he was like, “Hallo, verstehen Sie das? Verstehen Sie das?