The Street Savage

PSU students play the name game

Chuck Buck Bo Buck. Banana Fanna Fo (beep beep). Me Me Muck, Chuck.

Anonymous 1

What would you’re stripper name be?How about…I’m copying one of my friends, but…Pinky.

Pinky is a good one, but then I dunno, the pinkie is not very sexual…Yeah. Maybe it is for some people.

Well, you have to have a lure. Yeah, it’s all about the audience.

If I were a stripper I would be Apples. Apples?

Apples. I mean if I was a female stripper. I’d be like, “Hi, I’m Apples!” Right on.

“I’ll be your stripper tonight, lap dances are $50.” Sweet and crunchy.

Yeah, emphasis on sweet, I don’t know so much about the crunchy. Do you like your strippers crunchy? [laughs] Yeah.

What would your Dark Ages contender-to-the-throne moniker be? Moniker? Meaning what?

Name. So that’d have to be some old name with an adjective, like Grunegar the…uh…Short. My name would be Archibald the Syphilitic. Oh, wow! That’s a good one. I don’t know if I could top that. Man or woman?

Let’s do woman, so you’re a contender to the Queendom. I’m a wench, huh? Gertrude…the…

Adjective. Gertrude the…

Gangly? I actually want something that has less to do with my appearance but more to do with my role as contender to the throne. Gertrude the…

Wise? I don’t wanna sound more than the royalty, ya know? Uh…Gertrude the…something that’s servile…

Gertrude the Servile! Alright. I’m sold.

Anonymous 2

If you could change your name, what would you change your name to? Farnum. It’s a good drunkard’s name.

What would your full name be? I’d just name myself Farnum Farnum Farnum. It’s a cruel joke I’d want to do to my kids–my future kids–but I think it’s too cruel so I’ll do it to myself.

FFF! You are FFF! And then people could call me Mr. [laughs] Efffffffffffff.

I like that, Mr. Effffffff. Now, what would your 1950s baseball star name be? It would probably be like…Johnny Uppercut.

Hey! “Johnny Uppercut takes the plate!” It’s more known for my defensive mound-rushing skills like this. [makes running upper-cut motion with his arms]

Would there be an incident where Johnny Uppercut accidentally punches himself in the face? Yeah, only in the most dramatic of situations, mostly for the team as a distraction or…

“Johnny Uppercut hits a line drive! And oh my God! He is punching himself in the face!”“Simpson’s stealing home! Simpson’s stealing home!” I’d be running while I did that, I wouldn’t be standing in one place.

What would your dope peddler name be?Uhm…sheeit…wait! That’s it, Sheeit! If I can integrate myself into a figure of speech, I’m legendary.

What would your Dark Ages contender-to-the-throne name be? It would have to be an old name like Hrothgar the…and then like an adjective…like Hrothgar the Manly…It wouldn’t be…wait, what’s my favorite adjective right now? It has to be an adjective or verb? I’ll make it an adjective! Uhm…Borag the Teabagger!

YES! That’s a good verb, and a good way to describe how I’d rule my throne. Where I’d “throne” my people…[cackles]

YES! [I cackle] [he cackles more]

[I cackle more] [he cackles even more] The teabagging wouldn’t stop!

[I cackle some more too] No, not in Borag’s Kingdom! “TWENTY TEA BAGS TO YOU, PEASANT! Exactly!

Anonymous 3

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Thaddeus Fitzgerald.

What would your middle name be? Oswald.

That’s a very noble turn-of-the-century industrialist name. You own mines in Kentucky ‘n’ stuff. No, factories.

What do you make? Textiles.

Good quality. No, shoddy but efficient.

You’re a very good capitalist. What’s your biker name? Uh…just Gus.

Not like Gus the Gimp? Nah, I got no family, I’m just Gus.

Well, I’d want to be something cool like Ned the Nambler. Gus the Patrolman.

But you’re like John Law, man! Nah, I’m the antithesis.

I get it, you’re like the lone man on the highway! You don’t need no gang. I got no real laws, just my own.

That’s pretty nihilistic! I got my own agenda.

I can dig, man! What’s your dope peddler name? That’s one I never thought of, I never thought of those other ones either…I don’t know…Shady…

Don’t say Shady McShaddins! Shady McStealins.

But you’re sellin’, you’re not takin’! I don’t know, I’d have to think about that one over night.

But I need now! If I’m gonna be slingin’ on the streets I gotta have a legit front, ya know?

Just think of an animal. What kind of a dope peddler are you, are you a lion or are you a fox? I’d be a panther…I’d be Slow-walkin’ Tiger.

Yo man! Iz Slow-walk! You got some shit for me? I don’t know man, what’s you lookin’ for?

I’m lookin’ for somethin’ up! You dig? I got all the ups that you can get up on, you up on this?

Yeah, man.Let’s take a walk, a slow walk.