Sure, the Vanguard’s Facebook poll was all for fun and kicks, and admittedly not scientific. There can always be other considerations such as, you know, love. It appears trust, honesty and loyalty were dominant themes for both guys and gals when choosing a partner. The other answers were thinly spread elsewhere, though differed. But still, what could it all mean?
Patrick Wanis holds a doctorate and number of titles, such as human behavior specialist, celebrity life coach and relationship expert. He has also written various books on the subject of relationships and offered his expert opinion on TV, ranging from MSNBC to the Montel Williams Show.
Wanis notes that though most would expect men to value physical traits more, they actually placed trust, honesty and loyalty highest. This is because of the particular group taking part in the poll—the college crowd of Portland.
“If you’re talking about more educated people, then they are going to have more experience in relationships, or they are going to have thought more about relationships,” Wanis said. “They’re saying ‘OK, because I spend more time thinking about life and questioning life and learning, gaining new knowledge, new understanding, new wisdom therefore I am looking for something different in a partner, other than just the physical.'”
Wanis also pointed out that such high marks for trust and honesty for both groups could come from bad experiences or relationships where those traits were absent. He noted if the same people polled were asked if they have been cheated on or betrayed in a relationship, the numbers would be similar to trust, honesty and loyalty. Physical traits still came in second for men, placing higher than it did for women.
“The relevance of that is really quite simple,” Wanis said. “The male brain is primarily stimulated visually…the female brain, is stimulated primarily by sound…that’s why women will talk about a guy having a great voice, they will fall in love with a poet, musician, writer, singer, someone with an accent or someone who simply is skillful with words.”
Some other differences were presented—women didn’t even vote for a casual attitude, when the guys scored 11 percent. However men didn’t pay any attention to success or money while women—though a very small percentage—did.
“Guys are not interested in [money or success] because they are planning on making their own…and the girls are telling you ‘it’s not that important to us either, because we’re also planning to have our own success and money,'” Wanis said. “The girls are saying to you ‘we want to be independent, we don’t want to be dependant.’ That’s different in today’s generation from former generations.”
Of course, you can’t pin down everyone from one poll. Men and women will all want different things from a relationship, however serious. It is important to understand that in any relationship.