616 N.W. 21st Ave.
“Steamboy” 7, 9:15, Sat.-Sun. 12, 2:15, 4:30, Mon., Tue., Thur. 7, 9:15, Wed. 4:45, 9:15
Ray Steam (Anna Paquin), a 19th century inventor, receives a mysterious ball of steam from his grandfather, Lord Steam (Patrick Stewart). Just when Ray Steam uncovers the mysteries of the steamball, his father, Eddie Steam (Alfred Molina) discloses that “Steam” is not actually their real family name, but was just adopted in hopes that awesome, Victorian adventures would ensue. They do.
2021 S.E. Hawthorne Blvd.
“Hotel Rwanda” 7:10
Terry George may have directed and penned the screenplay for that abhorrent Bruce Willis flick “Hart’s War,” but this film of his is supposed to be the shit. Don Cheadle (“Meteor Man,” “ER”) plays a hotel manager who ends up providing a safe haven to refugees of the Hutu-Tutsis genocide. Substitute pea-headed derelicts for the refugees of the Hutu-Tutsis genocide and you’ve basically got “The Bob Newhart Show.” Top-notch.
“House of Flying Daggers” 5, 9:25
There is no way in the nine circles of hell that I am writing another blurb about this fucking movie. Sorry, but there’s no fucking way. You’ve either seen it or you’re not going to.
Clinton St. Theater
2522 S.E. Clinton St.
“Mail Order Wife” 7, 9, Sat.-Sun. 4
Last week I reported that “Mail Order Wife” was directed by the same person who did “Swingers,” an error that was pointed out to me by a hip, swinging coworker. So I want to set the record straight that it was not directed by the same guy, but rather PRODUCED by the same guy. My profound apologies – this is, after all, journalism, and errors like these are punishable by my ass getting kicked out in the cold and wet. My bad. Anyway, “Mail Order Wife” is a groundbreaking sci-fi flick that takes place in the hellishly futuristic interior of a video game. Stars Kirsten Dunst in an all-nude role.
829 S.W. Taylor
PDX Film Fest 2005!
Brilliant short films curated by the brilliant people at Peripheral Produce! Spend your weekend with some of the most thought-provoking work Portland has to offer. Sound like too much work? Then have an egg-white omelet and see “Melinda and Melinda” or “Sideways” again, yuppie scum.
4122 N.E. Sandy Blvd.
“Beautiful Boxer” Contact theater for showtimes.
From Thailand, this tale of a transgendered kickboxer who fights like a man so he can become a woman is not to be confused with “Million Dollar Baby,” starring Hilary Swank, who looks and fights like a man, but is still (so they tell me) a woman.
6712 S.E. Milwaukie Ave.
“Robots” 5:30, 7:30
Robin Williams’ brilliant turn as a robot that snorts cocaine like most robots drink oil is bound to become a Hollywood fish-out-of-water classic.
7229 N.E. Sandy Blvd.
“Guess Who” Fri. 5:45, 7:45, Sat.-Sun. 3:45, 5:45, 7:45
Ah yes. “Guess Who.” No seriously! Guess who? C’mon, just play along. Guess who? GUESS WHO? Well, OK. Fine. BERNIE MAC AND ASHTON KUTCHER, that’s who! Fun interracial comedy, you’ll be delighted. You got Punk’d!
1219 S.W. Park Ave.
“What Have I Done To Deserve This?” Sat.-Sun. 7
The unmistakable style of Spanish director Pedro Almodovar is all over this, showcasing his talent for creating deadpan characters who deliver outrageous lines, and over-sexed Latin lovers who deliver crushing orgasms to even the most stolid of Spanish maidens.
“High Heels” Fri. 7, Sun. 4:45
Pedro Almodovar’s first world-acknowledged masterpiece becomes a swan song to all the great actresses of stage and screen, though Bea Arthur is regrettably neglected.