TV in Print


How does Jack Bauer handle the stress? It’s only the fourth episode, and he’s already been framed for murder and chased by Russian terrorists. And now he has to save the punk son of his new girlfriend from being executed by terrorists on national TV. He’s got to have a bottle of Wellbutrin hidden somewhere in that book bag he’s always lugging around.

“Skating with Celebrities”

I spent most of this show just trying to comprehend how such a show could exist. Z-list celebrities doing choreographed ice-skating routines? The mind reels. But the biggest disappointment has to be the lack of wrecks. Watching Dave Coulier and Nancy Kerrigan skate to “Soul Man” wearing Blues Brothers outfits, my whole being was wishing for an ugly, ass-over-elbow wreck that would send Dave from “Full House” flying headfirst into the cold plastic barrier. But all I got was Todd Bridges falling on his ass, and he’s been doing that for the past 20 years.

“South Beach”

This show makes “The OC” look like “The Sopranos.” It’s also the reason the mute button was invented. Put a CD on and let it be the soundtrack to a lot of really attractive people saying a lot of really obvious things.

“American Idol”

I am really frightened at the level of delusion some of the “American Idol” contestants display. When a teen-age girl with a bad tan sings an off-key version of “Since U Been Gone” and responds to harsh criticism with the statement “I think I did awesome,” it’s hard not to be a little disturbed. And when the same girl tells the camera afterwards that the American Idol is “racist” and insists she’s going to be a star, you get the feeling this girl could kill her children and blame “the media” with the firmest of convictions.

“The Office”

Steve Carell telling a Hooters waiter he wants “a chicken breast – hold the chicken” is my definition of must-see TV.

“Emily’s Reasons Why Not”

Heather Graham’s hotness couldn’t save this tepid “Sex and the City” rip-off from being canceled after its first show. Apparently TV execs couldn’t find a reason not to cancel the show and left viewers in the lurch of looking forward to yet another “Lost” recap show in its timeslot.