TV in Print

Last week was kind of a weak TV week. Besides “24” and “My Name is Earl,” all my favorite shows (“The Office,” “Family Guy” and “The Simpsons”) were re-runs. Sunday night JJ Abrams (“Alias,” “Lost”) premiered his new show, “What About Brian,” about a single guy with a bunch of married friends who’s in love with his best friend’s fiancee. Here’s hoping it gets a cemetery plot next to “Love Monkey” in Copycat Acres, the final resting place of shows too derivative to live.

“24”

This week, Jack woke up a bank manager with a gun, demanded entry into the bank’s safety-deposit vault, and then got the poor guy shot trying to escape from the police and military. But it’s all for national security, right? And if Jack beats a burlap sack full of baby kittens with a baseball bat, well, I’m sure he’s got a good reason for that too.

“Tyra”

On this special “How To Get Rich” episode, Tyra discussed yoga with Russell Simmons, fed granola to her producer like he was a baby bird, and interrupted every single guest at least once to ask the hard-hitting question: “What’s the best thing about being rich?” I don’t know, Tyra, but I’d say it’d have to be having your own talk show despite the fact that you’re a creepy, robot-like supermodel with a massive forehead.

“American Idol”

This week was the “Queen Special,” or a crazy little thing called disaster. Country crooner Bucky turned “Fat Bottom Girls” into a Rascal Flatts song, while airhead hottie Kelly sang “Bohemian Rhapsody” like it was an ’80s new-wave song. In the pre-song segments, Queen didn’t seem too happy about being the “American Idol” backing band, though I think the fat checks they get will be a balm for their wounded dignity.

“Teachers”

Much like TV doctors who rarely see patients and TV lawyers who rarely try cases, the teachers on NBC’s “Teachers” rarely teach. Instead they flirt, engage in witty banter and point out each other’s obvious flaws. Thankfully, the show is fiction, since the only thing worse than huge budget cuts is the prospect of children being taught by sitcom cliches.

“The Office”

TV Comedy Rule #121: Anything concerning, or related in any way, to the Kool-Aid Man and his catchphrase “Oh Yeahhh” is, and will always be, funny. If aforementioned catchphrase is sounded via a pre-set keyboard button at an inappropriate moment, it becomes really, really f’in funny.