TV Party: Instant nostalgia is stupid. Wasn’t that headline funny?

The standard media output lifecycle is constantly shrinking with every new wave of technology.

Thanks to blogs, vlogs, podcasts, vodcasts and other Internet-buzzword crap, the time between what makes something relevant and old news is now razor thin. Traditional media is dying–TV along with it.

In response, television has launched into a series of misadventures with instant nostalgia, and at the epicenter of this annoying habit is the Axis of Evil. No, the “Dear Leader” has nothing to do with it. We’re talking about VH1, MTV and E! Entertainment Television.

It started with I Love the ’80s, VH1’s long-standing commentary show on the worst decade of the 20th century. Here’s the ’80s in short: money, cocaine, Huey Lewis and a senile president. Why VH1 devoted hours upon hours of programming space to America’s great nightmare, we don’t know–but they did. (Answer: People are stupid.)

After the success of the talking-head commentary of I Love the ’80s, VH1 continued to pile the shit sky high. I Love the ’70s, I Love the ’90s, Best Week Ever and Best Day Ever all now exist on the network. And the format they pioneered is now ubiquitous across entertainment television. It’s becoming impossible to even take a breath.

Especially bad are the shows on MTV that follow their two hit series, The Hills and A Shot at Love. Each features a host, with guests, going over and commenting on the show that just aired. Remember that funny thing that happened on TV just 15 minutes ago? No? HERE’S A CLIP! NOW LAUGH, MONKEY!

The networks have perfected their evil plan. First, they dumb down their viewers with substandard, idiotic programming, making them so dim, they literally can’t remember what they watch, even as they’re watching it. Then, they feed the same content back in a different form, calling it “original programming.”

In the end, all we’re left with is regurgitated, over-processed garbage–TV that is colorless and bland.

But, as with all things, we make our own destiny. And we’re slowly killing ourselves by sucking down gallons of this waste through the tube like a gerbil bingeing itself to death.