Underland is not wonderland

After sitting through the nearly two hours of crazy colorful 3-D CGI graphics that make up Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, I found myself surprised when the credits began rolling. In a slight panic, I took off my flimsy plastic goggles and wondered what had just happened. Surprisingly, I came to a blank—not because the movie was so awesome that I couldn’t even fathom how anything could ever be that amazing, but because nothing happened.

OK, let’s be fair. Something happened, but I’m not really sure what it was. The 19-year-old Alice (Defiance‘s Mia Wasikowska) finds herself in Underland—a post-apocalyptic version of what should be a magical place such as Wonderland—after running away from an unwanted marriage proposal and falling down a rabbit hole. She is expected because she’s been there before, but she can’t remember it, and then there’s a debate about if she is the Alice.

Yes, it’s just as confusing as it sounds, and Burton makes little to no effort to clear it up for us. Instead he lets us fumble down a rabbit hole of our own, not knowing what is going on and waiting for some semblance of a plot to begin unfolding. He adds in ridiculous characters, all of which are overacted to the extreme.

Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter is mad all right, to the point that one wonders if he doesn’t have a split personality disorder. He slips in and out of a Scottish accent, though we never find out why, and a strange and creepy, potentially romantic bond is forged between him and Alice.

And then there’s the Red Queen, played by Helena Bonham Carter, whose preposterously large head can’t seem to conjure any words other than “off with their heads.” Even with her violent tendencies, it’s difficult to see her as a real threat or source of fear. She’s less of an evil, cruel witch than she is a sad and jealous individual. I actually began to pity her, feeling sorry for her because she’s truly alone in her world.

No matter how absurd, both Depp and Carter’s characters are good for a few giggles here and there, but it’s the White Queen and the Cheshire Cat that bring the real laughs. Anne Hathaway is ingenious in her role, playing the Red Queen’s sister to such perfection that I have a hard time picturing her in other films. The Cheshire Cat stands out as a favorite, popping in and out of scenes when he’s needed, even though he doesn’t follow politics, as he puts it.

We can’t really blame the Cat, though, considering the politics are more confusing than some of the rhymes the Hatter spits out. As it turns out, the White Queen can take back her role as ruler of Underland if her “champion” takes down the Red Queen’s. Enter Alice, who is destined—as it is foretold—to fight and kill the Jabberwocky. For any Lewis Carroll fans out there, it’s pretty clear that Burton was mixing a few of his works when he added this part.

The duel is actually the climax of the film, though you wouldn’t know until after it happened. When the opposing sides meet on a giant chessboard and the dragon—excuse me, Jabberwocky—is released, one wonders if they aren’t watching a Chronicles of Narnia film. It seems that Burton didn’t just mix up a few stories—he seems to have mixed up his authors, as the whole scene more closely resembles something out of Tolkien or C.S. Lewis.

Regardless of the disappointing plot (or rather lack thereof), the fact that the characters made me shake my head in embarrassment more than once and Burton’s convoluted mixture of stories, the entire adventure wasn’t a total waste. Though Burton certainly took advantage of things flying at your face in 3-D more than was necessary, the film was visually pleasing. The film follows its director’s classic color style, emphasizing the darker tones with bold and bright images. Barren wasteland or not, there were times when I wanted to be in Underland. Though it doesn’t entirely make up for the faults of the film, the visuals in Alice in Wonderland certainly make it a trip worth taking.