Dearest Vanguard readers:
In the spirit of growth and development, let us drop the bad habits of the past year and commit to fresh, sophisticated verbiage in 2017.
Every year, certain terms and expressions become trendy, fashionable, and eventually completely worn out; therefore, we have compiled for you our first annual list of overused, idiotic sayings that simply must die with the previous calendar year.
The study of linguistics tells us that language change is normal and unfailingly constant. It is perfectly healthy and appropriate for us to invent words to suit the expressions we wish them to represent, no matter how stupid those words might sound.
Linguistics also tells us that the words we use to identify things and concepts are absolutely arbitrary. Hence, a tree might as well be called a schmoop; it is still a tree no matter what word we create to identify it. Whatever the origins of the following terms in our list, the rationale for their existence is indeed arbitrary.
Take it in stride, friends; none of this is intended to be serious.
Without further delay, the Vanguard presents to you our official 2017 list of words and phrases from the previous year henceforth banished from the lexicon of all self-respecting individuals:
Adulting: “Adult” is now a verb? Like “Googling”? As in, “Just paired all my socks! Adulting!” If you’re using this word, you are most definitely not adulting.
Alt-right: Is there an Alt-left? A dangerous euphemism for a terrible idea.
Bigly: As in, “I’m gonna cut taxes bigly!” Not since W’s “strategery” have we been handed such a whimsical and child-like term from the person who would one day brandish nuclear weapons.
Brah, bro, bruh, or any derivation: As in, “Brah, that party was lit!” Do not incriminate yourself as a complete imbecile.
Fam: Noun: a person close to you but not actual relation. As in, “K fam, going to my proctology appointment now.” Bad form.
Lit: As in, “Brah, that party was lit!” Just as lame as “brah.”
Literally: Ironically, almost always used figuratively.
Thing: As in, “So polka yoga is a thing.” (It actually is.) Used as a lazy replacement for specific nouns to identify a new concept, event, policy, restaurant, etc. Please stop.
Triggered: So overused. Apparently, anytime a person responds to a statement or action with anything other than disaffection, they’ve been triggered. Whenever clinical psychology terms become mainstream, they’ve got to go.
Xenophobic: Have you looked it up yet? Too late.
Phrases and Expressions:
“I can’t even…” As in, “Omg. An inch of snow on the ground. I can’t even.” Correct. You can’t.
“Reaching out”: As in, after sending an everyday, typical email, receiver responds, “Thanks for reaching out.” Not.
“Grab ‘em by the pussy!” Wrong in every possible sense. Respect.
Bonus round:
Frankenwords: morphing parts of words into one new and exciting word, a Frankenstein’s monster of a word!
Brexit + Brangelina = Brangelexit. Resist the urge.
Bonus Bonus Round:
Nonverbal category: Making a heart shape with your hands for an adorable little photo. Puke.
So it is written, so let it be done. Eliminate these weasels from your speech, and you will instantly advance one level and perform at 17 percent greater intelligence.
However, dear readers, our list is incomplete. We want to hear from you. What are your peeve words and phrases from the previous year? Share your thoughts and comments at www.psuvanguard.com.
Cuz + single word. “I’ll never be able to make it to work today! Cuz, snow!” It should die a horrible death. Cuz, idiotic.