Video Fun With Biff

Sepatown! That’s right, it’s time for part two of our seminar on how not to be “that guy.” In case you were out of the country and/or you had absolutely no access to the Internet, I will remind you of who “that guy” is.

He’s the guy that told you that “Manhunter” was the best of the Hannibal trilogy. He’s also the guy that hates movies just for the sake of hating them or because he has never seen them.

All of us have a little bit of “that guy” in us and that is alright. My concern is that certain movies which deserve better attention and reputations get a bad stigma placed upon them as a result of “that guy’s” influence.

Last week I discussed “The Cable Guy” and “Mallrats.” Rather than the two I promised you last week, Biff has come up with three more movies, count ’em three, that “that guy” does not want you to see.

Wadatah! When “that guy” told you that Chris Rock still hasn’t topped his comedic performance in “CB4” he was right. However, when “that guy” informed you that the cinematic masterpiece “Pootie Tang” probably sucked, he was oh so wrong. I say probably because “that guy” never saw the movie.

In fact, most people I talk to don’t even know it exists. And yes, it did come out in the theater.

Now we can all agree that perhaps “Pootie Tang” isn’t art house material and if you are planning on renting “Amelie” and maxin’ and relaxin’ with homemade fondue then maybe you should put “Pootie Tang” back on the shelf.

But maybe, just maybe, you could find your sense of humor, try not to be too cool for 81 minutes and enjoy the long-awaited reunion of Chris Rock and Lance Crouther, who you might remember as Wacky D of “CB4” fame.

Biff promises that you will not be disappointed, and you know what, even if you are, at least you can say, “I saw Pootie Tang, my main daimie.”

The best part of this film, yes film, is the senseless language that flows like wine from Pootie Tang’s mouth. I will be using these words freely today in order to acquaint you with the brilliance of the movie. Words like “Wadatah”, “Sadatay” and the important phrase, “Sine your pitty on the runny kine!” are a perfect addition to anyone’s vocabulary.

Sadatay! Next up to bat is “Kids in the Hall Brain Candy”, another film that attempted to confuse the public with it’s two-day theater run.

Here’s what Biff likes about “Brain Candy:” it’s funny, it has all six “Kids in the Hall” members and it was directed by Kelly Makin who as you already know delivered “National Lampoon’s Senior Trip” to the world.

The Kids play nearly every role in the movie and also wrote it themselves. It also contains the obligatory mid-’90s Brendan Fraser cameo, and did I mention that it was funny?

Anyhoo, “that guy” will make some obviously forced attempt to brag about his knowledge of the TV series and draw comparisons about how “the movie just wasn’t as good as the show” and will most likely use the phrase “sold out” somewhere in his tirade. “That guy” is so predictable.

Tipi tai! When I was 19 years of age, my roommate and I got cable for a month. Not just that extra 10 channels cable, but the real-deal Holyfield full cable, movie channels and all. All I have to show for it is a video tape that contains the Anna Nicole Smith tour de force “Skyscraper,” “Dazed and Confused” and our third film of the seminar, “Don’t be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood.” Needless to say, this tape has been viewed from beginning to end at least 80 times.

Do not be too cool for “Don’t Be a Menace.” Do not be “that guy.” This film lampoons the urban films of the early ’90s so well that I cannot watch any of them with a straight face.

I mean c’mon, that whole Cuba Gooding breakdown scene in “Boyz N the Hood” has to be a joke. Right? Anyone?

The Wayans brothers deliver their best work since “In Living Color.” No, I didn’t forget about “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka” because you know what, it’s not that good.

When Keenan Ivory Wayans goes to his dad’s house and his dad opens the door and is 15 years old, I lose it every time. And so will you if you don’t listen to “that guy.”

So get off your keester, grab 10 measly bucks that you were just going to waste on wine for your fondue, and instead run to the video store and rent the five movies that will revolutionize the world, your mind and, most importantly, prove “that guy” wrong. Capatown!