Where’s Tage?

Where am I? I talked to some people. They were in different places. I asked them questions. Can you guess where they are? Match the interview to the place, and you will win a hug and a kiss – from somebody.

A. Millar Library
B. Plaid Pantry
C. Between Smith Memorial Center and Cramer Hall
D. Peter W. Stott Center
E. The Asian Grill
F. Southwest Fifth Avenue and Harrison

 

Mystery Place #1

Your Answer: _______

Who are you?
Andy Pliskin the Charming.

What are you doing?
I’m hanging out waiting for my girlfriend to get out of the bathroom on her way to Pilates class.

And it looks like you have pizza.
Yeah – Pizza Schmizza.

Without telling where exactly you are, could you describe your surroundings?
Um – there’s little doors for little midgets – there’s a beautiful girl coming out of the bathroom (i.e. his girlfriend) – there’s a ramp, an orange door – am I doing this right?

Yeah.
– brown tile – construction –

Where would you rather be?
Pilates class.

Would you think this place would benefit from the sale of nudie magazines?
No, and I work for a porn store. No.

Are we in heaven or what?
Yes, I am.

 

Mystery Place #2

Your Answer: _______

I work for the Portland State Vanguard – it’s, uh – the school newspaper –
OK. Can we go outside? I really need to smoke.

OK sure, definitely (we go outside) – OK, who are you?
Angela.

What are you doing?
Working.

Uh – OK – without telling exactly where you are, could you describe your surroundings?
Parked cars, trees, parking lot – uh, doors –

What kind of doors?
Door doors.

OK – um – where would you rather be?
At home sleeping.

Would this place benefit from the sale of nudie magazines?
Um – I don’t think so – I haven’t sold one at all – I’ve only been here for four months and I haven’t sold one at all.

Are we in heaven or what?
Of course.

 

Mystery Place #3

Your Answer: _______

I work for the Portland State Vanguard. I was wondering if I could ask you a few quick questions.
‘Scuse me?

I work for the Portland State Vanguard. I was wondering if I could ask one of you a few quick questions.
Uh – no we – English – not so good – maybe Basha better –

It’s only like five questions.
No we work pretty hard, you know? Understanding (points to his head) – not so good.

OK.
Yeah, sorry.

 

Mystery Place #4

Your Answer: _______

Who are you?
Uh – you want my name – I think I’d rather not.

Just say “I prefer to remain anonymous.”
I prefer to remain anonymous.

Excellent. What are you doing?
I’m waiting for the bus.

‘K, without telling me exactly where you are, could you describe your surroundings?
Uh – I’m facing a busy street – on campus – in the middle of Portland.

Where would you rather be?
On a beach in Hawaii.

Do you think this place would benefit from the sale of nudie magazines?
No.

Not at all?
No.

Not a teensy, little bit?
No, not at all.

Are we in heaven or what?
Uh – no.

 

Mystery Place #5

Your Answer: _______

What’s your name?
Eric.

What are you doing?
Eating.

Without telling exactly where you are, could you describe your surroundings?
Trees, bricks, concrete.

Uh – would this place – where would rather be?
The beach – swimming – with fish.

Would this place benefit from the sale of nudie magazines?
Absolutely.

Why do you think so?
I like nudie magazines. Not because there’s naked people in them, I like the articles and the jokes.

Are we in heaven or what?
Yeah, man – it’s not raining so yes.

 

Mystery Place #6

Your Answer: _______

I was wondering if I could do like a quick, short, interview with someone for the Portland State Vanguard? If at all possible.
______ Office.

Can I interview one of these people?
You will have to go through the ______ Office.

OK – so I can’t?
No, not the staff here, uh, you have to go through the ______ Office.

Why is that?
It’s just the way it is.

Why is that the way it is?
Talk to the people at the ______ Office. Any interviews go out of there, we don’t do them here.

OK.
OK, so they all have to be done out of the ______ Office.

OK, so you can’t do just like a short interview?
You gotta go to the ______ Office, that’s what I’m trying to tell you.

I know that, I’m just curious as to why.
You gotta go to the ______ Office. It’s regulations, that’s all.

Answers: 1) D, Peter Stott Center, 2) B, Plaid Pantry, 3) E, Asian Grill, 4) F, Southwest Fifth and Harrison, 5) C, between Smith and Cramer, 6) A, Millar Library.