Where’s the Frenchie-socialist-totalitarian dream?

Since the moment Barack Obama assumed the office of president of the United States in 2009, our nation’s leading proponents of objective political analysis have heralded the imminent arrival of a dystopian nightmare: a future of socialized medicine, a job-killing eco-fascist bureaucracy and—worse!—sprawling, strangling webs of high-speed interurban railways.

This alarmist tenor didn’t abate with the president’s reelection last fall, an occasion that caused Ann Coulter to lament Americans’ accession of subjective autonomy to the Obamawellian superstate by saying, “People are suffering. The country is in disarray…We have more takers than makers and it’s over. There is no hope.”

And the warnings continue!

In January, Glenn Beck, a leading advocate of innovative discourse that displaces fact as the center of discursive cogency with an imperative to just-spew-your-deepest-paranoid-fears-into-a-webcam, revealed that the president has been actively brewing a state of civil war in the U.S.

“What does the president want? What [was] it that they’ve been trying to get since the day this guy has been in office? You to react. You to be violent,” Beck said of Obama’s forthcoming elimination of all public dissent through a clampdown on rebellious Second Amendment defenders.

But after four years of Obama, how far has the president moved the nation toward this lofty promise? The one about the nation’s complete and utter subjection to the stiflingly snug blanket of the modern American liberal negation of the self?

A close analysis reveals that President Obama has singularly failed to deliver on this account. Therefore, I implore the president to get down to the serious business of destroying America.

His first order of business should be to reverse the troubling trend of economic growth that’s afflicted the nation over the past three years. Obama had a prime opportunity to bring America to its knees during his first year in office, when the U.S. recorded an annual rate of negative gross domestic product growth of 3.5 percent, the greatest contraction since the Great Depression. Instead, the president shortsightedly demurred from this unprecedented opportunity to centralize the means of production and institute martial law.

In an unfortunate turn for the president’s established totalitarian ambitions, the American economic machine has maintained its steady march toward the eventual recovery of a prosperous complacency. Whence comes the bold and decisive leadership required of a man who would aspire to the company of Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong or Adolf Hitler?

Where is our industrially ruinous five-year plan, our productivity-sapping collectivization of agriculture, our globally antagonizing policy of massive military rearmament?

Worse yet, the U.S. has regained much of its international political preeminence. Inheriting from George W. Bush the sucking atrophy of America’s reputation abroad, Obama would have done well to continue playing the role of bungling hegemonic global pariah, inexorably entrenched in the twin military quagmires of Iraq and—graveyard of empires!—Afghanistan.

But the president quickly dialed down our neo-imperial ambitions and engaged world audiences with a mollifying articulateness and amiability. For shame! How can this foreign-policy sanity possibly stimulate the development of the cagey, paranoid national consciousness that is the precondition of the president’s mobilization of the masses in ruthless pursuit of Lebensraum?

The evidence obviously indicates that the U.S. has entered a new reign of Hope and Possibility under the leadership of President Obama.

We feel none of the Weimar-era schadenfreude. The nation is increasingly prosperous and well-grounded: Major steps have been taken to make health care available and affordable to all; Apple iPads proliferate in our nation’s schools and business places; marijuana is increasingly tolerated; Seth Rogen continues to make films.

The respective successes of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part II and MTV’s Jersey Shore seem to show that America is indeed entering something of a cultural renaissance.

Clearly, drastic measures must be taken. I fear, should this national recovery continue, that the death-of-the-individual dystopia (the logical and desirable end of modern American liberalism) would remain as only the quixotic mirage of a lonely few cable-television-dwelling dreamers.