Why you should hate Piper Chapman

If you haven’t seen it you’ve definitely heard of it: Orange Is The New Black. And if you have seen it then you probably hate the main character, Piper Chapman. And if you don’t hate her then you should.

From being the intimidated inmate to the inmate in charge, Chapman has become the character we all love to hate. She’s completely narcissistic, continuously plays the victim, and nothing’s ever her fault. In an environment filled with personal hardships, Chapman’s is the least sympathetic.

Litchfield Penitentiary you has an array of inmates. From a mute, a Russian badass, a pregnant woman who got knocked up by a guard, and a handful of drug addicts, to a transvestite, numerous murderers, and an assortment of other characters, Chapman is still the worst. Although she is the predominant protagonist, we have learned many of the other inmates’ backstories, making it easy for viewers to love characters other than Chapman. Each episode shows flashbacks of different characters’ crimes and why they are at Litchfield Penitentiary.

Not only does she say the most ignorant things, “By the time I get out, there’ll have been like, three new generations of iPhone,” but she’s also completely insensitive, “Well, good. I mean, not good that she’s sick, and I hope that she feels better, but good that you weren’t lying, and I hope that you both know not to mess with me.” Literally, she’s the worst.

Somehow Chapman’s whiny self attracts two of the most beautiful ladies on the show and they both want her. Alex Vause, played by Laura Prepon, and Stella Carlin, played by Ruby Rose, are fellow inmates at Litchfield. Chapman, being the selfish woman she is, disregards the fact that although she asked Vause to be her girlfriend, the attention from Carlin is more attractive and begins something with her on the side. In the end, Chapman plants contraband in Carlin’s bunk and doesn’t blink an eye as she watches Carlin get sent to maximum security prison two days before she’s due to be released.

Let’s not forget the fact that Chapman tattooed herself. Thankfully her brother attempts to bring her down from her pedestal, “White ink huh? Okay, Pipes, while I’m really proud of how evil prison has made you, I think you’re overestimating your villain index. You know, you’re not Walter White yet. You’re Walter White-ink.”

There is one scene in season three when Chapman redeems herself for about a minute. She gets assigned a new job making women’s underwear. For the first time, Chapman actually comes up with a good idea—an illegal idea, but a good one: selling dirty prisoners panties online. And boy is she passionate about it, “Then sweat profusely and fart with abandon, and make a reek. Make a reek, my sisters! Make a reek to last 1,000 years!”

But let’s not forget who we hated before we really hated Chapman: Chapman’s ex-fiancé Larry Bloom. Ugh. Oh, and if you don’t remember why you hate him, it’s because he’s the guy who lied to his prisoner fiancé about who snitched on her to get her in jail. Thankfully he’s gone now. Leaving us with plenty of room to hate Chapman.

Besides this undying loathe we have for Chapman, we will still continue to watch Orange is the New Black. If not to see what ridiculously white thing Chapman will say next, then for all the other beloved characters on the show.