21 Things You Probably Won’t Go To

Thursday, April 15

The Juliana Theory, Anberlin, Bayside, Number One Fan

Nocturnal

7 p.m.

$12

Number One Fan claims that their “deeply personal” lyrics will “inspire countless LiveJournal entries.” Do I really need to make fun of them, or did that statement just do all the work for me?

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The Strokes, The Raveonettes

Roseland Theater

8 p.m.

Even though The Strokes are cheesy New York hipsters, they rip off the Velvet Underground well enough to justify going to see them, especially with the minor-key garage shredders The Raveonettes opening. *Sold out*

Grandaddy, Saves The Day, The Fire Theft, Hey Mercedes

Crystal Ballroom

6 p.m.

$20

Grandaddy’s noisy, sophisticated pop 퀌� la Pavement, but with a little less fuzz pedal grit and more Flaming Lips esotericism, can definitely carry its weight. The albatross of Saves The Day, however, may weigh heavily on their neck and drag them down into the realm of good-band-I-just-spent-3-hours-listening-to-crap-and-now-am-too-exhausted-to-care-about.

*VANGUARD PICK*

Omar Torrez, The Black Notes, Ivan Alamo

Berbati’s

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$8, $10 door

21+

Although every picture of Omar Torrez I’ve ever seen has him looking like a bald Ricky Martin-type heartthrob in his tight black, tucked-in tee shirts, word around the campfire is that he can actually bust out some Hendrixesque shredding and flamenco madness. His style incorporates various styles of rock, pop, Latin and blues into a virtuoso mix that he calls “world soul and groove.”

Chemystry Set

Mt. Tabor Theater and Pub

A mash of all kinds of music, luckily including punk and rock, hailing from the San Francisco area. Check out their Web site, especially the bio for ivory-pounder Patty Hughes. You’ll laugh, trust me.

Take Back The Night

Park Blocks

Get ready to march and listen to speakers, performers and activists speak out against violence, courtesy of PSU’s own Women’s Resource Center.

GenderConnections Event hosted by Gender Public Advocacy Coalition

Native American Community Center

7 p.m.

All kinds of local activist groups-including Basic Rights Oregon, Bus Project, Intersex Initiative, Lewis and Clark College, Oregon NOW, PFLAG, Portland Metro Chapter of the Pacific Green party, PSU GenderYOUTH Affiliate and Westside NOW-help show you that you don’t have to be a macho, womanizing jerk or a vapid, skanky ho just because society says so.

Friday, April 16

Kick The Squirrel Live Improvised Comedy

Back Door Theater

10:30 p.m.

$6

PSU’s own improv troupe strikes again, delivering inspired comedy to the glee of all in attendance.

Tom Potter with METRO, Kitchen Syncopators, Brothers of the Baladi with Belly Dancers, Little Sue and The Portland All-Stars

Roseland Theater

6 p.m.

Donation

At first Tom Potter weirded me out since he was, after all, a police chief in Portland. After learning more about him, however, I got strong vibrations of honesty and empathy from the old-timer, so his festival benefits a worthy cause. And it has belly dancers!

Baseboard Heaters

White Eagle

21+

Raspy Americana rock featuring twin telecasters and a smattering of punk, a dash of country and a heapin’ helping of hospitality. Okay, maybe not hospitality, but a healthy dose of traditional American rock with a touch of John Bonham’s stickwork belongs in the recipe too.

Herbalist David Hoffman, Two Percent Majesty

Red and Black Caf퀌�

7:30 p.m.

Come and learn about the man’s oppression of herbal healing (no, not that kind of herbal healing) from master phytotherapist David Hoffman. In keeping with his normal behavior patterns of trying to, you know, keep people down, the Man has been attempting to co-opt and suppress natural healing methods via the corporate medicine machine. Also appearing will be the guitar-violin duo of Two Percent Majesty.

Saturday, April 17

*VANGUARD PICK*

The Swords Project, Manta Ray, Dolorean

Berbati’s

$7, $8 door

21+

I recently saw the Swords Project opening for Quasi, and all I can do is recommend them. Their music really creates landscapes of sound, and I don’t mean that in a cheesy, rock critic, hyperbolic, flowery-language kind of way. You’ll find yourself transported away from wherever you are and into their world of complex, tumultuous and climactic post-rock clich퀌� annihilation. Manta Ray’s dark avant-rock and Dolorean’s folky goodness make the night even more appealing.

The Raveonettes, Telephone, Recall

Dante’s

9:30 p.m.

$10

21+

I already mentioned the Raveonettes’ shredding capacity and their awesome tendencies to record entire albums in minor keys, but I think I forgot about their tight Shirelles and Cookies-style pop harmonies and gritty noir goodness. Definitely a bargain.

The Carolines, Oliver

Nocturnal

7:30 p.m.

$6

The Carolines deliver keys-guitar pop that lets you know why they have a “the” in their name. Oliver leans toward the ’60s instrumental lineup as well, but also like themselves some distortion and nice three-part harmonies.

The Shanghai Woolies

Aladdin Theater

7 p.m.

$10, $12 door

Hot jazz? Sounds played out. But Portland’s own Shanghai Woolies mix it up with some blues and pop, to make a blend that is indeed hot AND original.

Teenage Harlets, Juveniles

Twilight Caf퀌�

Garage? Sounds good. Love the melody that shines through the fuzz and overdrive. Surf? Can’t resist the twangy vibrato nosedives and fast fingers on the fretboard punk? Who doesn’t like that pile of attitude and power-chord riffage? But imagine that all three could combine, resulting in the Teenage Harlets. Well, imagine no more, since the messy combo I just described lives and breathes, and it wants you to come and gaze in awe at its majesty.

Sunday, April 18

*VANGUARD PICK*

Fantomas, Melt Banana, End

Roseland Theater

9 p.m.

$15

Fantomas features Buzz Osborne. That would be enough to win me over, but they also sport funky rhythms and death-metal riff-diculousness, interspersed with soundtrack covers and cartoon music. Plus, Melt Banana is a righteous Japanese noise machine who are buds with the Melvins and have their own label, A-ZAP Records, not to mention a super cute, super short bassist.

*VANGUARD PICK*

Cart!

Twilight Caf퀌�

Cart is great, and I don’t just say that because I know them. They really are, throwing graphing calculators, Dick Dale, Tecmo Bowl and The Planet The into a blender, creating a delicious prog-surf smoothie. So treat yourself, and don’t worry about the calories. You can burn them dancing.

Tuesday, April 20

Trainwreck

Roseland Theater

8 p.m.

$10

21+

Kyle Gass (of Tenacious D)’s other band, the one you haven’t heard so much about, the one that plays countrified, korg-driven rock.

An Albatross, Sex With Girls is Rad, Behalf

Meow Meow

9 p.m.

$6

Short bursts of driving, jarring guitar and whirling keys comprise the jerky, complex songs. If you read the calendar last week, you know how rad Sex With Girls is Rad is, so this show should be a no-brainer.

Riff Brokers, Fist City, The High and the Mighty

Dante’s

9 p.m.

$5

21+

Dirty lowdown R&R is the order of the day here, but it’s happening at Dante’s instead of the Twilight. I had a friend whose dad was kicked out of Dante’s for falling asleep. I doubt that will happen to anyone at this show.

-The Calendar Boy