Pickup lines to the rescue

Among life’s infinite catalog of problems (don’t even get me started on that little bitch called bipedal movement) is this issue of having to actually talk to your potential mates.

Not only is the potential man or woman of your dreams demanding that you be kind, interesting, dependable or (god help us) all three, they also seem to desire that you go to the effort of making stimulating conversation.
However, this little chore can be easily sidestepped with a successful pickup line.

If you happen to be less than well versed on this topic then do not fret, the Vanguard has scoured the corners of Portland to bring you a collection of pickup advice from a selection of the city’s finest young charmers.

I’ll usually just look at them, see if they say something to me first, and I’ll just use casual talk, just relax and look at them like they interest me a lot. And then, you know, act like I don’t care anymore. See if they talk to me, then just go back and forth between the two. I shouldn’t be telling you this.
—Ben Ferguson, guitarist

The only place I think about meeting girls is at the grocery store—I can look at their cart and see what they are buying. I usually just say: ‘Vegan?’ and perk my eyebrows up. I’d actually never respect someone who fell for a real pickup line.
—David Ballinger, vegan and bartender

I try the alienation tactic. If they still like me after I show them a bad side, they are keepers.
—Richard Hernandez, sound technician

‘Hi.’ Other than that I hit the dance floor, same deal. You can tell is the girl is into you or not pretty quickly—that is, if you are not too drunk.
—Brian Wilbert, bartender

Depends on how much I like the girl. I’d only use an actual pickup line on a girl I wasn’t that interested in. Conversation is usually the best way to go, I’ve found.
—Tom Williams, bartender

If pickup lines worked, I’d use them. They really don’t, I’ve learned that the hard way.
—Scott (last name withheld by request), cook

‘Hi, what is your name?’ Works every time.
—George Rabello, dancer

I was just more mysterious. Be the flame instead of the moth.
—Kory Monn, PSU student

I just hope that someone else has a good pickup technique. If they’re cute, that helps.
-Britany Gilstrap, PSU student

Creative. If you totally take them off guard, that really works.
-Brandon Archer, PSU student