Iron Man

Summer is here!

This is obvious for two reasons. First, I’m sweaty. Second, the first summer blockbuster, Iron Man, just made a shit-ton of money ($98.6 million in the opening weekend, to be exact). Whoopee. Now we can look forward to months of insipid sequels and formulaic cash cows with big dazzling effects.

Leading up to its release, Iron Man was hyped and marketed to the fullest extent of Hollywood’s capabilities. The film received rave reviews from nearly everyone. The New York Times called it “unusually good,” and The New Republic said that it transcended the comic-book genre.

Hey, critics: You got snowed.

While Iron Man is certainly good, and full of hearty entertainment, there is nothing even close to transcendent about this film. It is, plainly, a standard comic-book movie. And that’s fine. Just don’t believe the hype.

For those not in the know, the film follows the story of genius-billionaire Tony Stark (ably played by Robert Downey Jr.), a playboy asshole who sells weapons like candy and lives in a perfect-world bubble. He soon changes his ways, though, when after being captured by an al-Qaida-esque terrorist group, he learns that his weapons aren’t used just by “the good guys.” Go figure. So he builds a metal suit and fucks that terrorist camp up. Iron Man is born.

After returning to the United States and product-placing some Burger King, Tony announces that his company will stop manufacturing weapons. This causes conflict with baddy-bad CEO Obadiah Stane (oddly played by Jeff Bridges), and surprise!, the peace-loving Tony Starks is forced to fight for the world’s safety. He wins. The Black Sabbath song plays. End of movie.

As you can tell by that brief summation of the plot, Iron Man doesn’t cover any new ground. So why the critical overload? Well, Robert Downey Jr. is like movie-reviewer crack. If he could be ground up and stuck in a pipe, we’d have a world of verbose junkies.

Downey is good at what he does, no doubt. And his role as Tony Stark is enjoyable. But it’s also standard. There’s no new, dark edge like Christian Bale in Batman Begins or surprising depth like Tobey Maguire in Spiderman 2. He just fills his role competently and with little fanfare.

Similarly, the directing of Iron Man can be described in many ways, all meaning the same thing–unremarkable. Which fits in with director Jon Favreau’s past films, which include such “stellar” output as Elf and Zathura: A Space Adventure.

Here’s the truth about Iron Man: It’s an entertaining movie that treads well-worn ground, designed with the intention of making lots of money and securing broad appeal.

Like one of Tony Stark’s perfectly designed weapons, Iron Man exploded into theaters last week and destroyed its intended targets: consumers.

Welcome to another blockbuster summer.

Where’s Ghostface?

A long-reported cameo by rapper Ghostface Killah was excised from the final version of Iron Man for unknown reasons–and that’s bullshit. Ghostface has used the Iron Man moniker as a rap name for years, and if anyone deserved a spot in the movie, it’s him. (And that lame video-spot near the beginning of the movie doesn’t count.) In protest of his exclusion, pump the volume on these Ghostface tracks. They feature the artist at his stream-of-consciousness rapping best. (Head to http://blogs.dailyvanguard.com for mp3s.)

From Supreme Clientele: “Nutmeg”From Fishscale: “Clipse of Doom”From Iron Man: “Marvel”

What PSU students are saying:

Kate Knappett, 23, Graduated/ Post-baccalaureate

Knappett didn’t see Iron Man this weekend, but will probably rent it when it comes out on video. For superhero movies, she tends to like Batman films, but she “really liked Batman Returns.”

If you could be any superhero, who would you be?

“I wish I could fly…so maybe Superman.”

Katie Bower, 21, Junior

Bower saw Iron Man this weekend, and while she liked it, she had concerns with the way the film portrayed warfare in the Middle East. She said that she was drawn to the movie because of Robert Downey Jr. Her favorite superhero movie is Batman Begins.

If you could be any superhero, who would you be?

“Wonder Woman. She’s a badass.”

Steven Martin, 21, Junior

Martin doesn’t particularly like superhero movies and didn’t see Iron Man, and he has no plans to. He said that superhero movies just don’t interest him and gave no specifics as to why. However, he thought the original Batman movie “was good.”

If you could be any superhero, who would you be?

“Why not Superman? He only had one weakness.”