Staying happy

There is that time of day after work or school—or in between the two—when the world makes a little more sense, where you don’t want to kill your boss, subordinate or significant other and, of course, that time usually includes alcohol.

Happy hours around Portland are diverse, generally dirt cheap and lovely. So get eatin’ and drinkin’. 

Westside

Kenny & Zuke’s Delicatessen
1038 S.W. Stark St.
503-222-3354
T– Sat 4 p.m. to 6 p.m., 10 p.m. to midnight
Highlights: $2.75 fries, $2.50 micro-pints
Yes, I know, it’s technically not a bar, but the food prices get cut in half, and K&Z’s actually has some quality brews. Tasty pastrami and authentic bagel and lox for $7 should be reason enough to check it out, as it beats paying the regular, slightly overpriced cost.

Old Town Pizza
226 NW Davis St.
503-222-9999
M – Sun 9 p.m. to close
Highlights: $2 well, $1 slices of pizza
This is the one place where I will go out of my way for its late-night happy hour. Extraordinarily good slices and an interior full of wood and history, Old Town Pizza is a Portland gem.

Suki’s Bar & Grill
2401 S.W. Fourth Ave. / 503-226-1181
M – Sun 4 p.m. to 8 p.m., Sun–Th 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.
Highlights: $1+ menu, $2.75 well drinks and $2.75 micros
Suki’s has pretty good food and cheap-ass drinks, it’s close to Portland State, they staff is fun and there’s fun pool. Need I say more?

Muu-Muu’s
612 NW 21st Ave.
503-223-8169
M – F 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. 
Highlights: $3 menu, $2 well drinks, $1 Pabst
Muu-Muu’s has a worldly menu, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad—it’s just different. This is a good place to chill and hide after a day in the shallow hubbub of Northwest 23rd. A couple staples are stiff drinks and pretty hot servers.

East side

Bar of the Gods (BOG)
4801 S.E. Hawthorne Blvd.
503-232-2037
M – Sun 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.
Highlights: $1.50 Pabst, $2.50 well drinks, $2–4.50 menu
This den of iniquity is one of the bars within the Barmuda Triangle on Hawthorne. With crazy good cheese fries and cheap beer, it’s a nice dive-y place to stop by after shopping on Hawthorne all day. Bonus: Apparently they play The Simpsons and Family Guy on Sundays with happy hours prices!

La Merde
301 S.E. Morrison St.
503-234-1324
M – F 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. 
Highlights: $3 well drinks, draft, house wines and po’ boys, $1.95 food options
With snarky wait staff and oh-so-good mac and cheese, La Merde doesn’t skim on delectable drinks either. The bar itself, while cozy, makes you feel more important than you really are. Enjoy it. It will be the best part of your day.

Bye and Bye
1011 N.E. Alberta St.
503-281-0537
M – Sun 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.
Highlights: $2–7 menu, $3 well, $2–3 drafts, $6 mason drafts
This vegan haven has an awesome jukebox and serves some amazing cocktails in mason jars. A great place to go when the weather’s dreamy, with its large roll-up garage doors and wonderful back patio it is sure to the place where you’re lazy smoker friends are going to be on a given summer day.

Slow Bar
533 S.E. Grand Ave.
503-230-7767
M – F 3 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Highlights: $2.50 well drinks, $1 off beer, $2.50–5.50 food options
My new favorite bar, Slow Bar has one of the best burgers in town. Plus, it’s a pretty swanky bar, with large booths and intimate lightening. And it’s right next door to dive mecca My Father’s Place. Oh, the wonders of the industrial district!

Florida Room
435 N. Killingsworth St.
503-287-5658
M – Sun 3 p.m. to 7 p.m.
Highlights: $1.50+ drafts, $3+ well drinks, $2.75 food menu, free pool
Florida Room has a Slushy machine, which means yummy blended treats for your girlfriend. With a kitschy beach vibe and a loyal following, the Florida Room doesn’t just have a good happy hour, it is one of the best bars in NoPo.