Answered! – Irrelevant information that you need to know

Say wha?

“Do you know where Paranoid Park is?”-Question asked to Vanguard News Editor Stover E. Harger III by a possibly confused man, about the location of the fictional skate-park featured in Gus Van Sant’s recent film, Paranoid Park.

In case you were wondering…

In between doling out homework and grading your midterms, Portland State faculty are also part-time comedians. Well, maybe not. But in a makeshift greeting card created by PSU’s full-time faculty union, the American Association of University Professors, they made a joke regarding their on-going pay disputes with the university.

Here’s the joke:”Answer: Polar Ice Cap, Mt. Hood Glaciers, and PSU Faculty Morale””Question: Name 3 things disappearing at a rapid rate.””Happy 1-Year Anniversary, Bargaining Process!”(Baa-duum-chick! Like their meager attempt at a joke, this is our meager attempt at writing the sound of a drum.)

Now that the Writers Guild of America strike is over, PSU faculty might think about hiring Bruce Vilanch to spruce up their material. We haven’t heard jokes that dead on arrival since we last looked at a Bazooka Joe wrapper. (Baa-duum-chick!)

What the hell is that?

It’s supposed to be a place for practicing your putting skills. But lately, the PSU putting green has been used more for illicit activities, hobo sleeping and secluded studying, rather than for its primary purpose.PSU has a putting green you ask? Yes, but probably not for long. The barely smaller than 1000-square-foot green, crammed behind the Peter W. Stott Center and those newfangled green houses, was originally one of three PSU putting greens. Eventually, because of the cost of maintenance, the three greens that were built in 2000 became one. Now, the under-used and under-maintained putting green may go the way of the Dodo and of PSU faculty morale … i.e. kaput!

Randy Miller, scheduling officer for the Stott Center, said the green will more than likely be removed because of it’s hidden location and high cost of maintenance. The Stott Center has been meeting with Facilities and Planning about removing the green, Miller said, and the only thing that can save it is for students to actually go out and use it.

The Vanguard has a keen idea. Instead of tearing the putting green up and building another green house, (or whatever it is the university would replace it with) we suggest that the university spruce it up with a windmill, some awesome garden gnomes and other putt-putt decorations. Then, people might actually want to use the putting green for something other than getting it on between classes.